Much on my mind

Another weekend is approaching. The singles conference this past weekend was very good. W had a surprise musical guest, Anthony Evans, Jr. who happens to be the pastor's son. He is so talented. I ended up buying his cd and I must admit - I have been wearing it out. My kids love it as well. This coming Saturday is already hectic for me and it's not even here yet. My daughter's drill team is performing for some health organization that morning (can't remember which one, or the time). I will have to check the schedule when I get home. I will be signing my son up for M'Pact, a mentoring program at church that morning. I'll drop him off at 9 a.m. and pick him up by 12 noon. Between 7:15 & 7:45 that morning I will be dropping my baby (o.k. - my dog) at the Humane Society of the U.S. so that he can get neutered :-(.! I'm already stressing. I hope he's not in alot of pain after the surgery is over. I can pick him up between 4 p.m. & 5:30 p.m. You know I'll be there at 4 on the dot. I think a new chew toy would be appropriate :). The HSUS offers veterinary services that are much more affordable than your normal vet. Such as, my vet will charge me $90 to neuter Diesel. HSUS is charging $35 (no joke). Talk about a difference. I will start taking him there for other routine vet care like vaccinations & heartworm preventive medicine.

On Sunday I'm cooking for friends. That's right -- I'll be doing a little entertaining! Most are from my Spiritual Growth class that I took at church. I'm actually just cooking the main entree. Everyone else will bring either a side dish, dessert, drinks, etc. It should be fun. It's been a while since we have all gotten together.

In other news, North of the Red River (Oklahoma), my grandmother will be having gall bladder surgery tomorrow. Please keep her in your prayers. She has her good days and her bad days. At this point I'd say more bad than good.

Week 2 of DivorceCare Counseling

The second DivorceCare counseling session went well yesterday. Out of the 6 people that attended last week only 3 (including myself) returned. For some reason, I was really hoping to see one of the women that was there last week. She appeared to be close to my age and had 2 young children. We did, however, have 2 new women show up yesterday. One was quite the talker. She was too funny. She seemed like a very pleasant person though. The other was extremely quiet. We discussed the different emotional stages that one goes through after a divorce (there were about 6). We were asked to share what stage each of us thought we were in. I feel that I am in the recovery (last) stage. I have long ago accepted the fact that my marriage was over. The majority of the grief that I experienced was while we were still together. I never totally blamed him for the break up of our marriage. I was realistic and accepted (and apologized for) the fact that I was not the perfect wife and there were things that I could have done differently. I started rebuilding my life as soon as I left. I immediately joined a church that was in the area that I moved to. I got involved in different ministries as well as joining a Life Team (aka Small Group). I have no hatred or bitterness towards him. I pray for him just as I do for my friends and family. My heart goes out to those who are hurting from the aftermath of separation or divorce. I wish them all well and hope that their road to recovery will be swift & smooth. I'm looking forward to Session 3.

Gossip -- not just a problem for women

Today my company and the company that owns us had a luncheon to honor the office assistant who will be retiring next week. The luncheon was at a very nice upscale restaurant in North Dallas called Sevy's. The food was delicious.

We were seated in a private dining area. There were 2 tables -- no assigned seating -- we sat wherever we wanted to. At my table was one other lady, our HR Director, my manager, a field manager, the VP of Technical Services and one of our salesmen. At some point during the luncheon the field manager asked about the previous HR Director (who left to pursue a career as a police officer and who I happen to be friends with). He wanted to know about the house she and her husband were building before she left the company. The salesman conveniently turned the converstation into a gossip session. He mentioned personal things that he had 'heard' about her marriage, etc. I thought is was extremely tacky. He had the audacity to ask me and the other lady if we had heard any of the rumors he had mentioned -- as if I would have told him anything! He went on about all that he had 'heard'. I wanted to speak up so bad and let him know how inappropriate his comments were but, I said nothing. If he would gossip about her I'm sure he would gossip about me - if given the opportunity and enough juicy information to gossip about.

Another topic of conversation that came up was initiated by the HR Director. He asked the VP of Technical Services if he had heard about some man who died recently who happened to be a producer of porno movies!! What is going on here? This is the HR Director! They named a few movies that he may have produced! I don't want to hear about a porn producer whether he is dead or not (no offense to the deceased). It seems to me that at a company luncheon, one would be a little more cautious about what he or she chooses to discuss. These people are supposed to be professionals. I'm talking college graduates. It obviously doesn't mean a thing.

Life After Divorce

I attended the first divorce counseling session yesterday at my church. The course lasts for 13 weeks. We meet once a week on Tuesdays for about an hour and a half. There were about 5 other people there in addition to myself (all women -- hummm). We have two facilitators whose role is not to provide therapy but to lead group discussions, provide biblical based advise and to encourage us. I felt really good after the class and I am committed to sticking with it for the entire 13 weeks. I wasn't sure if this counseling group would be beneficial to me since it has been 3 years since my divorce. My struggle is more with overcoming the guilt of divorce rather than copying with any emotional scars that often remain afterwards. I also need to learn how to deal with the emotional effects of divorce that impact children. Their confusion and hurt can last for many years, if not a lifetime. It was stated on the video we watched that it normally takes 5 years for a person to completely recover from divorce. This was very shocking news to me. When I think about it, alot of us will find whatever avenue is convenient to deal with the pain that we are experiencing. This will inevitably lead to self-destruction. These temporary fixes; whether it be shopping 24/7, jumping into a relationship to soon or hanging with the wrong crowd, are nothing but band-aids, which only take care of the surface. In a group setting, you are made aware of the fact that there are others besides yourself who have gone through a terrible situation and are experiencing pain that could be much worse than yours.

Balancing Life

I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I've blogged. My evenings are consumed helping my children with homework (mainly my son) and sticking to my exercise regimen. It's been 3 weeks since I renewed my membership at Bally's and I am loving it! I try to work out at least 4 times a week. I'll probably only make it 3 days this week. I'm leaving for Oklahoma on Friday (my grandmother is ill). It's sad to see a loved one suffer. She's seen several doctors in 3 different cities. They've run various tests but still can't solve her continued suffering from acid reflux. She cannot be left at home at night. She can still walk but not as good as is necessary to be left alone. It also seems that she is having mental problems as well. She starts to speak but can't get out more than a few words, which she repeats over and over. This is so depressing. All we can do is pray and make sure that we take care of her to the best of our ability.

On a lighter note, my results came back from my sonogram weeks ago and everything looks good. (Yeah!) I no longer have any pain or discomfort. I am happy about that. I signed up for divorce counseling at church. Although its been 3 years, I feel it would be to my benefit. It will actually be group counseling, which starts next Tuesday. I also completed my form for a government grant (for school). I have put off enrolling in college until Spring 2005. My goal is to do whatever I can to better myself; mentally, physically and spiritually, and become a better mother to my children. When I am taking care of me (without taking away quality time with my kids), I feel it improves the way that I take care of/interact with them. I can be stressed and not allow my mood to negatively impact the interaction I have with them. They give me so much that money can't buy, they deserve the best that I can give them.

Still Here

I feel so bad that I've neglected my blog for about a week. The days seem to be flying by. I'm already seeing Christmas items in the stores! So much has happened within this past week. I've renewed my Bally's membership (for only $8 bucks a month). I could not pass that up. I have really missed weight training. I've been 3 times this week. I'll be heading to Oklahoma tomorrow so I know I won't be able to exercise for the next 3 to 4 days. I received a very nice monetary award from my employer -- God is good. It was right on time, as always. I have been constantly talking to my son about his behavior at school and the importance of paying attention and completeing assignments to the best of his ability. Children obviously quickly forget talks with their parents. I received a phone call from the school principal a few minutes ago. My son & several other boys were in line after school and one kid said that another boy had big 'thingies' and then my son points to a girl and said that she had big 'thingies' too.?! (Another boy felt it was his obligation to tell the girl this.) The girl tells her mother and her mother calls the school. I can understand a mother being upset about someone saying this about their child. There wasn't much I could say while on the phone. In my mind I'm wondering - what is my son thinking? He knows better than to make comments like this. I am so frustrated. It seems like there is always something with him. I called his father as soon as I hung up the phone. He wasn't there so I left a voice message. His father picks him up from school. What was he thinking?! He is now in In School Suspension (ISS) for the next 2 days. He's already banned from riding his bike and playing outside until I determine when he has earned the priviledge to have fun again due to him not finishing work at school. I'm trying to remain calm. It's not going to be easy.