Let's see... today is....Thursday, I think

This is how my week has been, no joke. I have to seriously think about what day it is. 2004 has blown by and if I would have just blinked once -- I would have missed out. I must say that overall this has been a very good year for me. Christmas was wonderful! Me and the kids went to Oklahoma. We managed to get snow on the Wednesday before Christmas (not enough to make snow angels in). It was very pretty though. I spent the day at work walking back and forth to a vacant window office to admire it.

I have successfully enrolled in 2 courses for the Spring semester (Biology & Basic Math). Both will be on-line courses with the exception of exams which will be taken on campus. I also have to go on-campus for Biology lab. I'm excited and a little nervous at the same time. I've never been fond of Biology. I'm not too concerned about the math class. I just know that I am in for many hours of studying/homework.

I have the day off tomorrow :). I plan on spending time at home with my kids most of the day. Me and a girlfriend will be bringing in the New Year at church. Beverly Crawford will be blessing us with her voice. To all of my blogging buddies -- I wish you the best in 2005!

I Have An Addiction

I don't think I have really been caught up with any particular thing. Except for the 1995 Mitsubishi Eclipse new body style. I just had to have that car. I saw it at an auto show in 1994 and from then on, I literally could not sleep. Well, I eventually bought it. No, I don't have it anymore. I won't elaborate since the thought of it makes me a bit frustrated and bitter.

Back to my addiction. I'm addicted to.......... E B A Y! I can't stay away from the site. I am constantly surfing looking for the next greatest deal. I've bought about 5 or 6 items since November. The latest is a camera cell phone. So far, I've had no problems with anything that I've ordered. I have lost a few bids but I've wisened (is that a word?) up on the whole bidding thing. You wait until the last 10 to 15 minutes to place your bid on an item that is up for auction. Hopefully, other's that are bidding are not on-line or watching the bids on that item.

Some items are considered 'Buy It Now'. There is no bidding and you buy the item at the 'Buy It Now' price. Shipping fees aren't that bad. Especially if the cost of the item is at a very good price. They have both new and used items. Just about anything that you could possibly want.

I love it!!

Has it really been over a week ...

since I last added a post? It's been a busy week for me. My mind has been on so many different things that it's hard to keep track of what I was last thinking about. For some insane reason I volunteered to make icing (yes, icing as in cake) for my children's school the ENTIRE week. They are making gingerbread houses and needed volunteers to help out at school and/or to make the icing. I guess I felt guilty about not selling anything in the numerous fundraisers that they've had, nor have I volunteered to chaperone on any field trips.

Anyway, the PTA president brought all the ingredients that I need over Sunday evening (including the plastic baggies to put the icing in). I am so glad that I only have one more day left. I'm not a bad cook but I'm not the one to bake on a regular basis. Therefore, my cookware does not consist of a large variety of bakeware/large bowls/heavy duty blender, etc. Here I am with this small hand blender mixing up 4 lbs of powdered sugar in a large bowl that, thank God, I just happened to buy one time when I'm sure it was on sale. I tried mixing it in 2 batches and believe me, that was too tiring. I would have quit 2 days ago.

For those of you who have never made icing or never really new the ingredients that goes into it, I'll enlighten you. For 4 lbs of powdered sugar you need 8 tablespoons of powdered milk, 1 teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of cream of tarter and 1 cup of water. Last but not least, you need 3 cups of shortening (unmelted). Oh my God, how grosssss! I don't see how I can ever eat icing again. I prefer the whipped cream icing anyway. I wonder if it contains shortening. While I was blending everything together I was tripping at the thought of me eating icing in the past. Just imagine thick globs of shortening being mixed up with other ingredients and then spread over a cake or in my kid's situation, being used to stick candy on the gingerbread houses as well as to decorate the houses and hold the graham crackers together.

I will admit that I was tempted to take my finger and swipe up a bit of icing that was left in the bowl and eat it, but, I passed.

I should have taken the day off

I didn't sleep well last night. On top of that, I woke up about 40 minutes late (and it's raining outside). There was no way I was going to make it to work on time. I was only about 25 minutes late.

The smoke detector in my bedroom must need a new battery. The constant chirping got on my nerves last night. It obviously bothered my dog too. Every time it chirped he would start whining. I ended up letting Diesel out of his crate and we both slept in the living room; him on the sofa, me on the loveseat. He almost gave me a heart attack in the wee hours of the morning. I'm guessing it was around 3 a.m. I woke up to him standing next to me growling (something he very rarely does). He started barking also. I called my kids names to see if maybe one of them had gotten up to go to the bathroom and I get no answer.

I'm starting to freak out a little wondering if there is someone in the hallway. I gather up enough nerve to turn on a light. I called my kids again and my daughter finally answered which let me know that she was o.k. (my son never stirred). I should have known that since the alarm DID NOT go off it was highly unlikely that there was an intruder in our home. I still had to check their bathroom and the laundry room after poking my head in both of their rooms (just to be sure).

My assumption is that the ceiling fan (which was on) caused a torn piece of the sheet that was draped over the sofa to brush up against my dog. It must have startled him and he possibly thought that someone had touched him. That's the best conclusion that I can come up with.

Another great weekend

I had a very nice weekend. I closed as planned Saturday morning at 10 a.m. My mortgage payments are actually $10 less than what was originally stated to me which is even better. My son's new Captain Bed is on order and should arrive within 3 to 5 weeks. I am going to let him pick out a color for his room (no black). I can't believe he even suggested that I paint his room black. Unless he changes his mind it will more than likely be some shade of blue.

I spoke to a cousin who is all for us going on vacation in March to Las Vegas. I'm so excited, my FIRST vacation. I am 36 years old and have never, I mean never, gone on vacation. My ex and I didn't even go anywhere for a honeymoon after we were married -- at the JOP. Was I a cheap bride or what? Anyway, all 3 of my sisters are saying they're in on this vacation as well as a friend of the family. I have a friend in Big 'D' who says that she is in as well. This may turn out to be a vacation to remember. It will only be for 3 nights & 4 days, but hey, I'm not complaining.

Changing the subject, my love interest -- yeah, I said it -- my love interest, cooked dinner for me on Sunday (after working 8 hours) and brought it to my house. We've been having (or shall I say trying to have) a serious conversation for several days now. He wanted to take me to dinner on Friday so that we could 'talk' but for some reason, I wasn't mentally prepared (plus I didn't have a baby sitter). I have told him how I feel about him and that I want to be more than friends. He has obviously been having trouble telling me what it is that he wants from me/how he feels about me. He is also letting me know that he is not trying to get out of my life. He has not stopped calling. The dinner on Sunday threw me for a loop. I made it clear to him that I am not trying to tie him down or to force him into a relationship that he is not ready to be in. On the other hand, I don't want to keep spending large amounts of time with him knowing that I have strong feelings for him and see him as more than just a friend, especially if the feeling is not mutual.

Again, knowing ALL of this, he still called on Sunday and let me know that he was cooking dinner for us. After dinner he stayed a couple of hours, we watched the Godfather, and then he left. Before leaving he gave me a kiss on the forehead and bent down so that I could do the same. He said that my first kiss was 'fake' and insisted that I kiss him again, which I did. This morning I get a call from him on my cell phone around 8:30 a.m. He said that he was calling to say hi. Now, I know that I've said more than once that I was through with him and I didn't want to waste any more of my time and blah, blah, blah. But it's easier said than done. I told him a few days ago that I thought he was selfish and then he goes and does something as thoughtful as cooking dinner for me and my kids (which I know he had to go to the grocery store to get the majority - if not all - of what he needed to cook). To top it off, I didn't work that day, he did. Why can't things be clear cut and just flow smoothly.

A financial blessing

All of the paperwork has been received and processed for my mortgage refinance. I will close tomorrow! It's called an FHA Streamline Refinance. The entire process has been extremely smooth and has only taken about 2 1/2 weeks from the date of my application (which was taken over the phone) until closing. My interest rate will drop from 6.875% to 5%. In addition to that, I only pay the interest for this month's payment and my next payment will not be due until January. I will also be receiving a refund from my escrow account, which I was told to expect the early part of December. Time to due a little remodeling. God is soooooo good!

Am I going through a test or what?

My daughter had a substitute teacher at school on Monday. When I picked her up from her father's that evening she told me that the substitute teacher had cursed at her! Say what!!! She told me that she was standing at her desk doing her work and the sub told her to "sit your a** down". I BEG YOUR PARDON! I don't talk to my kids like that and I am definitely not going to allow anyone else to either. She told her father about it when he picked her up from school and he went straight to the principal's office. The principal said that he would talk to the sub about.

The next day my daughter tells me that the sub was back at school teaching in a different class. I am too shocked. I had called that morning to make sure that my daughter's teacher was teaching that day (and she was). I never thought that they would have this same woman back teaching a different class. According to my baby's daddy, the principal said that he talked to the sub and she denied saying it. Duh!!! Did he actually think this woman would admit to it. She is subbing for a reason -- to get PAID. In other words, the principal believed this sub over my daughter. I may not communicate well verbally but I am 'off the chain' with a pencil & paper (or keyboard & monitor). I wrote a one page letter to the principal expressing my disappointment and copied the superintendent of the school district. I faxed the letters this morning. I advised the principal to contact me if this woman is EVER scheduled to sub for either one of my kid's teachers so that I can keep them home from school that day.

If you would have heard my baby telling the story you would understand. She said her mouth was wide open and she was scared and didn't know what to say. She thought about telling the sub that she said a bad word but decided not to. She just sat there - about to cry. Now I'm getting mad all over again. I could wring this woman's neck, but I am not a violent person.

This has been a trying week and it's only Wednesday. I'm too emotionally drained to discuss my other issue. No worries, I am putting it behind me and this time - I'm not looking back (for real).

Sometimes you gotta speak up

I made it to work about 45 minutes late this morning (yep, almost a whole hour late). It was raining and traffic was a mess. Anyway, I get to work and check my e-mail. One of the e-mail's in my in-box is from the controller. She was complaining about a dirty dish that someone had left in the kitchen sink overnight.

Now normally I would just blow it off and keep going about my business. For some reason, this really got under my skin. My manager had sent out an e-mail on Monday regarding 2 pots of coffee that he had to pour out that evening. Well, I took offense to the e-mail I received this morning. I felt it was so petty. So what a bowl was left in the sink. Leave it there for the person it belongs to and let them clean it. I decided to send a reply (to everyone who received the initial e-mail plus the VP). I started off by saying that I didn't mean to sound rude but the fact that someone left a bowl in the sink should not be an issue. I mentioned that I had cleaned the kitchen counter on many occasions and not once did I think to send an e-mail to everyone trying to find out who left it dirty. The VP responded to my e-mail agreeing with me that it was petty. The controller came to my office and apologized but still felt there was nothing wrong with the e-mail she sent.

I suggested that signs be made reminding everyone to clean up after themselves and also to refrain from making coffee after a certain time. The signs could be taped onto the cabinets above the sink & counter. She seemed to be o.k. with this. There were others who were frustrated at both e-mails sent this week but nobody said anything to the people who generated those e-mails. There comes a time when it is necessary to speak up. I feel that I have enough to be concerned about at home as well as at work and don't need to be confronted about something as petty as a dish left in a sink. By the way, I still haven't found out who left it there (now that it's been brought up, I am a bit curious).

The Prayer of Repentance

I received an e-mail this morning regarding a prayer given by Pastor Joe Wright to the Kansas House of Representatives in 1996. Just reading it gave me chills. The e-mail that is being circulated has a few slight inaccuracies. (Me, being the inquisitive person that I am, decided to do a search on the internet to determine if this event really happened before I forwarded it to anyone else.) It was said that a few representives were upset by the prayer and one actually walked out. Here is the actual prayer -- it's pretty powerful http://www.centralcc.org/joe.html.

How could I forget

I forgot to put on deodorant this morning!! This is sooooo not good. Thank God it is always freezing at my job so there's no threat of sweating. I was about a mile from my job when I just had this wierd feeling. I wasn't sweating but the question popped in my head, "did I put on deodorant this morning". I had to do a quick check -- and the answer was NO. I planned on staying in for lunch today since it's going to be cold (around 56 degrees). Looks like I'll be running to Eckerds to handle my business. I'm going to the fitness center after work and there is no way I can go without Lady Speedstick or Secret (which ever is the least expensive). 11 a.m. can't get here soon enough.

Ever wondered why . . .

1. Why are there unsolved criminal cases and yet so many psychics exist?
2. Why does the thought of food stay on your mind the entire time you're working out (or maybe its just me)?
3. Why are movie theaters colder than meat lockers?
4. Why do some women wear high heels to outdoor events knowing they're going to do alot of walking and/or standing?
5. Why are the healthiest fast food choices never on the the 99 cents menu?
6. Why don't auto manufacturers design SUV's to get better gas mileage?
7. Why are cars sold in the U.S. capable of going over 100 mph when the maximum highway speed limit is no more than 75 mph?
8. Why do police officers have to go through rigorous physical training to become a police officer but no exercise is required once you become one?
9. Why do Wal-Mart Super Centers have over 20 check-out lanes and only half of them are ever open (except around Christmas)?
10. Why, oh why did Vinny Testaverde throw at least 5 interceptions during Sunday's game? Hang in there Cowboys.

I have done my duty

I left work at 4 p.m. yesterday to cast my vote. There were no long lines (thank God). The voting location for my precinct was a church that was no more than 2 miles from my home. I had a minor issue that was quickly corrected. For some reason my address was incorrect in their computers. It took no more than 5 minutes for them to write down my name and correct address. I only took my driver's license since my Voter Registration Card had the same address as my license. Oh well, human error is inevitable. For those who didn't vote, you have no right to complain about any future decisions made by our President or state representatives. I'm sure a few of my family members didn't vote (I know of one for certain) but will be quick to criticize whoever is in office. Why is that?

What's up with these men?

I'm somewhat confused. Two men that I have recently met have made a comment that has left me completely puzzled. I am a person who has no problem doing whatever it takes to obtain the things that I want (if it is within reason). Something that was #1 on my list of goals in 2001 was to buy a home which I did last year. Anyway, during a phone conversation with man #1, he suggested that the only thing missing in my home was a man to share it with.? Uh, excuse me -- I don't think so. If that's the case I would have waited to get married before thinking about buying a home. Man #2 called and asked what I was doing. I mentioned that I was on-line checking out information about refinancing my mortgage. He suggested that he could share my home with me. Uh, wrong again. You can buy me home. He got off the phone real quick (said he'd call me back). I'm not holding my breath. Don't get me wrong, I'm not LOOKING for a man to buy me a home. I'm also not EXPECTING a man to think that I am in need of a man to share the home that I currently have with him. If they are truly interested in me, they should take the time to get to know me and allow me to get to know them. If it is God's will that we share our lives together, things will fall into place as they are supposed to. I'm just surprised that they felt so relaxed making a comment like that. Of course they had to play it off and say it in a half joking manner. If I would have given them the slightest hint that I was o.k. with what they were saying they would have been backing their bags that day. A more appropriate comment would have been, "If things work out between us we could sell the house you're living in and buy us another one". Now that I can get with. Realistically I haven't known either one of them long enough for us to even discuss marriage. More importantly, I have no interest beyond friendship with either of them. I would love to be married again but I have no intentions of settling. I want a man who knows what his role is and is not afraid to fulfill it. Looking for a woman to provide you with a roof over your head is not it.

Gotta get this off my chest ...

My son loves me so much he'll do anything for me . . . . except be good at school. I just don't understand it. He is very consistent with talking when he isn't supposed to and not completeing his assignments. He's doing better than when school started, but it is not his best. I could understand if he had a learning or attention problem but he doesn't. My heart is literally aching. Am I overly concerned? He's in the 4th grade, which I know has no bearing on future college scholarships but still -- I KNOW he can do better. He knows how to behave properly. I talk to him constantly about being obedient and respectful towards teachers as well as other students. I'm getting sooooo tired of this. I could see if I was one of those single parents who put themselves before their children. I'm not hanging out on the weekends while my kids are with anybody I can find to babysit. Any man that I meet knows upfront that I have not 1 but 2 children and they take up a great deal of my time. I spend quality time with them by taking them to parks, outdoor festivals, restaurants, etc. I show them as well as tell them how much I love them. As soon as my divorce was final (and after losing our home) I had my mind focused on buying a house for me and my children within 2 years -- and it happened. They have a fenced back yard where they can play (in a nice area with a good school district). They have neighborhood friends who stop by to see if they can play if they're not already outside. My son has lost his playing priviledges. You would think that would motivate him to do better but it hasn't. Sometimes I feel like maybe I need to let him live with his father. I know that is not the best solution. He is so sweet, caring and mannerable everywhere else but school. I've been praying, I encourage him to pray as well so that he'll make the right decisions. When he thinks about doing wrong, I tell him to ask God to help him do right. He has 2 F's on his 3-week progress report. He has 3 more weeks to bring those grades up before his final report card. I was about to sign him up for basketball but I'm not so sure now. It seems like I'm rewarding him by allowing him to do something fun even though he hasn't earned it. On the other hand, maybe participating in a sport that he likes will help him become better disciplined at school. I don't have much time to make up my mind (unless I pay an extra $15 for late registration). My situation makes me think of Teresa Heinz Kerry's response to a question asked of her about the similarities between her and Laura Bush. She responded that she didn't think Mrs. Bush had ever worked outside of the home. Well I'm here to tell her and everyone else, parenting is a FULL-time job and requires MUCH dedication, skill, patience and the ability to be multi-tasked -- oh, and I can't forget PRAYER. As a parent, there are times that you will need to put your emotions, frustrations and whatever else you're dealing with on the back burner and tend to your children. I've come close to tears today. Even though I feel as if I don't deserve this - I wouldn't trade my son for anything. Just needed to get this off my chest.

Church -- To Attend or Not To Attend

I received the following e-mail this morning that responds to the question that many people have either been asked or sometimes ask themselves:

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTENDING CHURCH
Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t need to go to church to be a Christian.” Well, how do you respond to something like that? Do you really have to go to church to be a true believer? Walking into a church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than walking into a garage makes you a car. No matter how you slice it, going to church just isn’t going to save you — it’s only true faith in Christ alone that saves. If indeed you are a true believer you are not going to lose your salvation by not going tochurch. However, it’s pretty hard to believe that a genuine believer would fail to go to church. The Christian life is to be lived within the context of the family of God (Eph. 3:14-15; Acts 2), and not in isolation. The fact of the matter is Hebrews 10 clearly tells us “...not to neglect the gathering of ourselves together as is the custom of some” (Heb. 10:25). What we really ought to be discussing is the transcendent importance of being vitally connected to a healthy, well-balanced church. It’s through our attendance at church that we hear the preaching of the Word of God. Ephesians Chapter 4 clearly tells us that God has placed pastors and teachers in the church “to prepare His people of works of service, so that the body of Christ might be build up and strengthened.” You cannot avail yourself of this spiritual training if you are on the golf course on Sunday morning — trying to worship God in the Cathedral of the Pines...It’s also important to note that you can’t participate in sacraments like the Lord’s Supper without attending church (1 Cor. 11:23-26). Receiving communion with the family of God is not only an incredible privilege, it’s also the responsibility of every true believer. And corporate worship is not only what our gracious sovereign God deserves, but also what He demands. For these reasons and many other reasons, Christians should take church attendance seriously. The Christian life is to be lived within the context of the fellowship of the saints. The Bible knows nothing of a “lone ranger Christian.” Many logs burning together burn very brightly, but when a log falls off to the side, the embers quickly die out. When you face the difficulties of life as we all surely will, you’ll be thankful for the love, support, and prayers of your extended church family.

Easy enough to understand to me. I will continue to fellowship among Christian believers.

The Party's Over

My 4-day birthday celebration is over :( . Starting with a cake, good food and good company on Thursday, this birthday was definitely a pleasant occasion that didn't stop on Thursday. Friday night I went out with a friend and her cousin. What was supposed to be a night out to a Jazz club ended up being a night out at a Hip-Hop club where the majority of the women had on jeans and I spotted a few men with gold teeth! The jazz club had some type of special guests and the cover charge had doubled to $20 -- NOT. So we passed on that and drove around until they decided on another club not to far away. I quickly came to the conclusion that I did NOT miss the club scene. I had a good time due to the fact that I was with friends, even though I didn't dance (dancing in my chair doesn't count). I had one drink during the hour to an hour and a half that we were there. I had to endure about 20 to 30 minutes of cigarette smoke that travelled my way from a lady sitting at a table close to us (trying hard not to gag too much). After leaving the club we went to a Mexican fast-food restaurant. Me and my friend's cousin both ordered nachos. We made it to the table, sat down and started to feast. After 2 bites I'm thinking -- something is not right. I look closer (at the cheese sauce) and I'm missing the creamy yellowish orange color of nacho cheese sauce. This is some watered down mess. My friend's cousin stands up to take her food back for a refund & I think about it (for a second) and take mine back as well. We end up going to Whataburger (for me) and Taco Bell (for her). I make it home by 2 a.m. and finish eating then shutting down for a few hours.

My daughter's drill team competition was at 3 p.m. on Saturday. They looked so cute with their makeup on and their cute little outfits. Their performance was good. I didn't go back for the trophy presentations (at 7:30 p.m.) so I have no idea if they placed or not. Regardless, she had a good time. There were hundreds of other performers there in colorful outfits and various age groups. After the performance we headed home and I decided to stop by the grocery store (I was still craving nachos). I bought ingredients to make my own nachos. They were very good if I must say so myself. After 3 servings, my craving had been satisfied.

My birthday celebration ended Sunday at 5 p.m. Me, my kids and some friends went rollerskating after church. It was sooooo much fun! I was tired after about an hour. This was one fantastic weekend.

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my 36th birthday and I feel truly blessed that God allowed me to wake up to a new day. My first well wish came at 6:07 a.m. this morning (via voice mail) from a long-time friend from Houston. My kids surprised me with some cute pajamas and they sang to me. I've had 3 more calls since 8 a.m. and a gift waiting on my desk when I arrived at work from a co-worker who I consider a very good friend. There's a white cake with white icing just waiting to be eaten. In addition to that, my employer is treating me to lunch today at The Cheesecake Factory. It feels wonderful to know that there are people in my life who care about me and are thinking of me on this special day.

Week 4 of DivorceCare Counseling

This session dealt with depression, which is inevitable when a marriage fails. At some point, whether it is during the course of your marriage (such as myself) or when you or your spouse decide to separate and/or file for a divorce, you will experience a multitude of emotions.

de·pres·sion : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies

I would say that at different times during my marriage I experienced all of the above except dejection and hopelessness. I am ashamed to admit it but at the time of our first separation (I was 2 months pregnant with our first child) I thought of committing suicide. I am so glad that God intervened. This was probably the WORST state of depression, due to marital problems, that I have experienced. When I decided to leave for good and file for a divorce there was no emotional turmoil. It was more like a burden had been removed from my shoulders. I know that God hates divorce but I honestly felt relieved. I am certain that God has a better plan for me, which is why I did not let my depression get the best of me. Things have really improved for the better, especially my relationship with Christ. I still go through trials and run into brick walls on occasion but it has not overwhelmed me. As Fred Hammond sings, "Hold on and wait just a little while, he'll bring of song of strength in the midnight. Touch our lives with your loving hands. Hold on, hold on!"

Everyone Can't Be In Your Front Row

I received the following e-mail this morning that I feel helps eliminate alot of the unnecessary conflict/controversy/drama/heartache, etc. that we go through in some of our relationships (this applies to ALL relationships, not just those dealing with the opposite sex). Post it somewhere at work, at home on the refrigerator, in your home office or any place where it will catch your eye, as a reminder to keep our relationships in order.

Everyone Can't Be in Your Front Row

Life is a theater - invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships/fellowships!

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God -- the more you seek quality,
the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God-- the more you
seek things honorable -- the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth
around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.

A True Soldier

I read a heart-breaking story on Power Line about a soldier who was injured when the truck that she was riding in ran over a roadside bomb (A Purple Heart for Jessica). The story of her will-power and determination brought tears to my eyes. We (civilians) are quick to comment about the war that the U.S. is engaged in and whether or not our soldiers should be there. After her experience, this young lady could have easily condemned the war and bashed our President for making the decision to send our troops to Iraq -- but she does not. What a true soldier.

Week 3 of DivorceCare Counseling

Missed it :(. It was raining too hard for me to leave my dog outside (he's still healing from his surgery on Saturday and cannot get his incision wet). He had already been in his crate all day while I was at work and putting him back in there for an additional 2 hours or more would not have been good. I really wanted to go. I did some work in my workbook in the 'On Your Own' section for the session I missed. I still felt guilty about missing.

14 Days Until . . .

my 36th birthday! I'm excited for some reason. Not so sure why. It's really just another day. Getting older has never bothered me. I feel blessed to be as old as I am and not look it :). I've always wondered why some women don't like telling their true age. It doesn't or shouldn't change a person's perception of you nor does it stretch your life expectancy.

I have no big celebration planned although my daughter suggested that we go roller skating. I think we might just do that. It's been a long time since I've gone roller skating. Not to mention that they have free passes from school.

Plans are made to be changed

I have learned to roll with the tide. Nothing went as smoothly as planned this weekend but it was still enjoyable for the most part. I arrived as planned at the Humane Society Saturday morning at 7:15 a.m. Much to my surprise so did about 7 to 10 other people. Diesel was feeling a bit energetic that morning so I had to wait outside with him (he would be even worse inside around the other dogs). I did try to go inside with him after about 15 minutes. Didn't work - so back outside we went. I had to leave him in the car while I filled out the necessary paperwork. I didn't leave there until 8:15 a.m. We were supposed to have met my daughter's drill team at 7:15 a.m. to join the caravan that was driving downtown for the American Heartwalk. I called the coach to see if we would still be able to make it and she told me that the Opening Ceremony started at 8:30. I had 15 minutes to FIND them! I looked back at my daughter and saw the tears in her eyes -- my heart was melting. Well guess what -- I found them! We made it downtown to the West End, found a parking lot that charged $5 and walked about 2 blocks before we saw a group of little girls dressed in red & blue outfits with silver sequins. She was soooo happy! I felt good that I followed my first instinct and decided to take a chance. The walk hadn't started yet. They cheered for the walkers at the start and end of the 3K run/walk. We managed to get a few goodie backs that had Reebok socks in them :) -- I just love freebies.

We made it home around 11:15 a.m. I started cleaning house getting ready for the dinner I was having the following day. We picked Diesel up around 4 p.m. and he looked so sad -- and had a very runny nose! They had to give him some antibiotics to take home as well as pain medicine. The first day was horrible. He was so sick :( . I was up all night long going outside with him when he would get sick -- sometimes he didn't make it outside so I was scrubbing carpet most of the evening (my son helped me -- what a good boy). I had to cancel the dinner I had planned to have on Sunday.

Monday it was raining hard so the State Fair was out. I needed to have taken a vacation day anyway to take care of my dog -- who is doing much better. I promised the kids that we would try to go on Sunday of this week. It was still a good day. I managed to work out Monday evening while a girlfriend stayed at home with my kids (she brought her kids over so there was much noise).

Trying to let it go

It's been a week now since I received a text message from a male friend that really ticked me off! I have a male friend who I have known for over 10 years now. We have NEVER been anything more than friends. Well, on Saturday of last week I was asleep on the sofa until I heard my cell phone buzzing. I get up to look at it (it's 1 o'clock in the morning) and see that I have a new text message. I look at the message which says, "Thinking about you you're the greatest I just can't help it". There is only ONE person that could possibly be sending me a message like this, however, we are no longer dating (he's mentioned in a previous posts). As a matter of fact, I told him that I did not want to talk to or see him anymore. It's not that I am angry with him. It's because I am trying to keep my focus on living a life that is pleasing to God (and he knows this) and I feel that he is not. Being with him causes me to become distracted/lose my focus (even when we say we'll be 'friends' -- yeah right). I have shared this with him as well. Anway, I decided to reply (I didn't want to be rude -- being that he's still on my mind). I send him a text message saying that I am thinking about him too. Later that morning I get a text message from him. It says, 'Thx, thinking about u 2". Okay, now I'm really confused. I'm thinking - why is he saying "thinking about you too" (as if he's responding to me)? My question is answered later that day. My male friend left me a voice message that afternoon and I returned the call that evening. He made a comment saying that it took me 8 hours to call him back. I was puzzled since the voice message he left was at noon. He asked if I had gotten his other message. What other message?!! I was so mad when he told me that it was him that sent the text message at 1 A.M.! I'm thinking -- have you lost your mind!! You had no reason to send me a message like that (and didn't leave your name -- like I'm supposed to assume it was you)!!! I was so mad. I told him that yes, I did respond to the message -- TO SOMEONE ELSE! He had the nerve to laugh! I had to check him and let him know that I did not see any humor in this. He went on to say that I should have is phone number programmed in my cell phone (which I do). I had to school him and let him know that just because his name & number is programmed in my phone, does not mean that his info will automatically pop up when he sends a message. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since. He called last night and left a voice message on my home number. I haven't called him back. He knew that I had been seeing someone and he also knew that I was trying not to get involved with this person again. I feel that he was so out of line for sending me a message like that. What really makes me feel bad is that the person I was dating probably thinks that I am playing games with him. I didn't bother calling him to explain. I just let it go. Oh well, just needed to vent a little. Am I wrong for being upset about this?

Much on my mind

Another weekend is approaching. The singles conference this past weekend was very good. W had a surprise musical guest, Anthony Evans, Jr. who happens to be the pastor's son. He is so talented. I ended up buying his cd and I must admit - I have been wearing it out. My kids love it as well. This coming Saturday is already hectic for me and it's not even here yet. My daughter's drill team is performing for some health organization that morning (can't remember which one, or the time). I will have to check the schedule when I get home. I will be signing my son up for M'Pact, a mentoring program at church that morning. I'll drop him off at 9 a.m. and pick him up by 12 noon. Between 7:15 & 7:45 that morning I will be dropping my baby (o.k. - my dog) at the Humane Society of the U.S. so that he can get neutered :-(.! I'm already stressing. I hope he's not in alot of pain after the surgery is over. I can pick him up between 4 p.m. & 5:30 p.m. You know I'll be there at 4 on the dot. I think a new chew toy would be appropriate :). The HSUS offers veterinary services that are much more affordable than your normal vet. Such as, my vet will charge me $90 to neuter Diesel. HSUS is charging $35 (no joke). Talk about a difference. I will start taking him there for other routine vet care like vaccinations & heartworm preventive medicine.

On Sunday I'm cooking for friends. That's right -- I'll be doing a little entertaining! Most are from my Spiritual Growth class that I took at church. I'm actually just cooking the main entree. Everyone else will bring either a side dish, dessert, drinks, etc. It should be fun. It's been a while since we have all gotten together.

In other news, North of the Red River (Oklahoma), my grandmother will be having gall bladder surgery tomorrow. Please keep her in your prayers. She has her good days and her bad days. At this point I'd say more bad than good.

Week 2 of DivorceCare Counseling

The second DivorceCare counseling session went well yesterday. Out of the 6 people that attended last week only 3 (including myself) returned. For some reason, I was really hoping to see one of the women that was there last week. She appeared to be close to my age and had 2 young children. We did, however, have 2 new women show up yesterday. One was quite the talker. She was too funny. She seemed like a very pleasant person though. The other was extremely quiet. We discussed the different emotional stages that one goes through after a divorce (there were about 6). We were asked to share what stage each of us thought we were in. I feel that I am in the recovery (last) stage. I have long ago accepted the fact that my marriage was over. The majority of the grief that I experienced was while we were still together. I never totally blamed him for the break up of our marriage. I was realistic and accepted (and apologized for) the fact that I was not the perfect wife and there were things that I could have done differently. I started rebuilding my life as soon as I left. I immediately joined a church that was in the area that I moved to. I got involved in different ministries as well as joining a Life Team (aka Small Group). I have no hatred or bitterness towards him. I pray for him just as I do for my friends and family. My heart goes out to those who are hurting from the aftermath of separation or divorce. I wish them all well and hope that their road to recovery will be swift & smooth. I'm looking forward to Session 3.

Gossip -- not just a problem for women

Today my company and the company that owns us had a luncheon to honor the office assistant who will be retiring next week. The luncheon was at a very nice upscale restaurant in North Dallas called Sevy's. The food was delicious.

We were seated in a private dining area. There were 2 tables -- no assigned seating -- we sat wherever we wanted to. At my table was one other lady, our HR Director, my manager, a field manager, the VP of Technical Services and one of our salesmen. At some point during the luncheon the field manager asked about the previous HR Director (who left to pursue a career as a police officer and who I happen to be friends with). He wanted to know about the house she and her husband were building before she left the company. The salesman conveniently turned the converstation into a gossip session. He mentioned personal things that he had 'heard' about her marriage, etc. I thought is was extremely tacky. He had the audacity to ask me and the other lady if we had heard any of the rumors he had mentioned -- as if I would have told him anything! He went on about all that he had 'heard'. I wanted to speak up so bad and let him know how inappropriate his comments were but, I said nothing. If he would gossip about her I'm sure he would gossip about me - if given the opportunity and enough juicy information to gossip about.

Another topic of conversation that came up was initiated by the HR Director. He asked the VP of Technical Services if he had heard about some man who died recently who happened to be a producer of porno movies!! What is going on here? This is the HR Director! They named a few movies that he may have produced! I don't want to hear about a porn producer whether he is dead or not (no offense to the deceased). It seems to me that at a company luncheon, one would be a little more cautious about what he or she chooses to discuss. These people are supposed to be professionals. I'm talking college graduates. It obviously doesn't mean a thing.

Life After Divorce

I attended the first divorce counseling session yesterday at my church. The course lasts for 13 weeks. We meet once a week on Tuesdays for about an hour and a half. There were about 5 other people there in addition to myself (all women -- hummm). We have two facilitators whose role is not to provide therapy but to lead group discussions, provide biblical based advise and to encourage us. I felt really good after the class and I am committed to sticking with it for the entire 13 weeks. I wasn't sure if this counseling group would be beneficial to me since it has been 3 years since my divorce. My struggle is more with overcoming the guilt of divorce rather than copying with any emotional scars that often remain afterwards. I also need to learn how to deal with the emotional effects of divorce that impact children. Their confusion and hurt can last for many years, if not a lifetime. It was stated on the video we watched that it normally takes 5 years for a person to completely recover from divorce. This was very shocking news to me. When I think about it, alot of us will find whatever avenue is convenient to deal with the pain that we are experiencing. This will inevitably lead to self-destruction. These temporary fixes; whether it be shopping 24/7, jumping into a relationship to soon or hanging with the wrong crowd, are nothing but band-aids, which only take care of the surface. In a group setting, you are made aware of the fact that there are others besides yourself who have gone through a terrible situation and are experiencing pain that could be much worse than yours.

Balancing Life

I can't believe it's been almost 2 weeks since I've blogged. My evenings are consumed helping my children with homework (mainly my son) and sticking to my exercise regimen. It's been 3 weeks since I renewed my membership at Bally's and I am loving it! I try to work out at least 4 times a week. I'll probably only make it 3 days this week. I'm leaving for Oklahoma on Friday (my grandmother is ill). It's sad to see a loved one suffer. She's seen several doctors in 3 different cities. They've run various tests but still can't solve her continued suffering from acid reflux. She cannot be left at home at night. She can still walk but not as good as is necessary to be left alone. It also seems that she is having mental problems as well. She starts to speak but can't get out more than a few words, which she repeats over and over. This is so depressing. All we can do is pray and make sure that we take care of her to the best of our ability.

On a lighter note, my results came back from my sonogram weeks ago and everything looks good. (Yeah!) I no longer have any pain or discomfort. I am happy about that. I signed up for divorce counseling at church. Although its been 3 years, I feel it would be to my benefit. It will actually be group counseling, which starts next Tuesday. I also completed my form for a government grant (for school). I have put off enrolling in college until Spring 2005. My goal is to do whatever I can to better myself; mentally, physically and spiritually, and become a better mother to my children. When I am taking care of me (without taking away quality time with my kids), I feel it improves the way that I take care of/interact with them. I can be stressed and not allow my mood to negatively impact the interaction I have with them. They give me so much that money can't buy, they deserve the best that I can give them.

Still Here

I feel so bad that I've neglected my blog for about a week. The days seem to be flying by. I'm already seeing Christmas items in the stores! So much has happened within this past week. I've renewed my Bally's membership (for only $8 bucks a month). I could not pass that up. I have really missed weight training. I've been 3 times this week. I'll be heading to Oklahoma tomorrow so I know I won't be able to exercise for the next 3 to 4 days. I received a very nice monetary award from my employer -- God is good. It was right on time, as always. I have been constantly talking to my son about his behavior at school and the importance of paying attention and completeing assignments to the best of his ability. Children obviously quickly forget talks with their parents. I received a phone call from the school principal a few minutes ago. My son & several other boys were in line after school and one kid said that another boy had big 'thingies' and then my son points to a girl and said that she had big 'thingies' too.?! (Another boy felt it was his obligation to tell the girl this.) The girl tells her mother and her mother calls the school. I can understand a mother being upset about someone saying this about their child. There wasn't much I could say while on the phone. In my mind I'm wondering - what is my son thinking? He knows better than to make comments like this. I am so frustrated. It seems like there is always something with him. I called his father as soon as I hung up the phone. He wasn't there so I left a voice message. His father picks him up from school. What was he thinking?! He is now in In School Suspension (ISS) for the next 2 days. He's already banned from riding his bike and playing outside until I determine when he has earned the priviledge to have fun again due to him not finishing work at school. I'm trying to remain calm. It's not going to be easy.

African American's right to vote will expire in 2007 (NOT)

Another urban legend being circulated on the internet regarding the Voter's Rights Act of 1965. This is the 2nd time that I've received this e-mail. Actually, the one I received this morning has a new twist. The Act was mentioned in a speech supposedly given by Camille Cosby (ahhhhh). I guess this extra tidbit is supposed to make it more believable. I sent the sender a reply with a link to about.com, an information website, that dispels this rumor. I hope that people are not automatically assuming that this 'chain letter' is true. It helps to do your own research and not continue to pass these false statements on to others. Especially since there is so much incorrect information being circulated via e-mail.

Resume of George W. Bush: Fact or Fiction

I received an e-mail this morning with an attachment titled Resume of George W. Bush (the resume was too long to copy to my post, but, I easily found the exact same resume on the internet). I question the validity of all e-mails that discuss political candidate's backgrounds (personal & professional). I decided to send a quick e-mail to The Black Informant, a blogger whose blog I enjoy and visit quite frequently. I was so moved by his response that I just had to share it. This brother is deeeeeep.

My e-mail to him:
I know that you, as well as others, receive e-mails regarding the backgrounds of politicians (especially around election time). I received the following this morning regarding President Bush. I will be honest and say that I have no idea of how true any of the statements are. I also wonder where the person who initiates these types of e-mails get their information. I am certain that alot of people will automatically believe what is written without investigating. I wanted to know your opinion of these statements.

His response:
Very little of this is actually true. The statements are somewhat like this: Let's say if there was an e-mail like that about you:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you were in high school, you applied for and got your license (assuming this is true for most people) However, a few years later, you got a speeding ticket (let's assume this is
true for this example)
[another example statement about your life] in 19__, you graduated from (school name)
However, when you were in 8th grade, you were suspended for fighting with another student
[one more example statement about your life] You became a mom at the age of (whatever)
however, 2 years ago, a neighbor reported you to the police because she overheard you children screaming what she thought was "mommy don't hit me with the bat!" (your child was actually saying "mommy (we) don't want to take a nap)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know I gave you a lot of examples, but it was to make a point. George Bush, John Kerry, or whoever all have done things that they should not be proud of. In a perfect world, all politicians would be perfect, but you know as well as I that that is not the case. I thought about going through each statement below to comment on them. But after thinking about it some more, I realized that it would do you more good than me or anyone else doing it for you. Politicians, government officials, community and church leaders (we can talk about that last one another time), are to some degree depending on the fact that most people (in particularly
African-Americans) will not take the time to research the information that is out there for themselves. That is why there is so much emphasis placed on tv and radio ads. The bottom line is this, first, you must realize that the original purpose of government was to do just that, govern (To make and administer the public policy and affairs of; exercise sovereign authority in.) In short, that means that the role of government is to maintain the preset order established in the constitution) of this nation and ensure that everybody has the personal right to do so. After the Great Depression, President Roosevelt implemented what is called "The New Deal". In short, The New Deal was a nationwide program that was designed to put the nation back to work. This was the birth of government programs as we know it. Prior to The New Deal, people pretty much made whatever they wanted to make of there lives WITHOUT GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION. If you just do a quick study of US history, you will noticed that there were more "geniuses" (like Einstein) being raised up than what you see today. These bright children were raised in an environment with very little government intervention. Today we see government intervention as a right that all people must have in order to
make it. After realizing the true role of government, the next thing you need to do is to not ask the question "what will Kerry or Bush do for me?" Instead, you need to look at the things that are important to you and ask yourself "given the proven track record of both candidates, which one best complement what I am already doing with my own life as an American citizen?" What I mean is this: If you live in Texas, then one of your concerns should be border
security. Look at each candidate and see what is their PROVEN track record on the border patrol issue. A wrong thing to ask is this "which candidate will make it easier for me to get a job?" (We have a whole history of people that were able to provide for themselves without having the government "hand-hold" them through the process of finding income. Yes, intervention is needed at times, but if we were truly "together" as we say we are as a people, those in our communities that have lost employment could be assisted by those who are employed). Sadly, many African-Americans have come to the conclusion that we as a people will never be equal with the rest of society unless government intervention is a permanent part of our lives. My tenancy is to go with proven track record more than anything else. Most of what you see on these political ads are going to have a certain level of spin to it. Check out sites like opensecrets.com. This site will tell you who is financing what candidate. For example, one of the candidates is promising that he will bring jobs back to America that were created here. However, if you look at his own personal portfolio, he personally invest in
companies that practice this on a daily basis. Also check out www.vote-smart.org. This site will show you the voting history of the candidates. I know I gave you a lot, but I guess I really enjoy helping people. Have a great day!

Lose Inches in One Hour

This is NOT a hoax. My girlfriend e-mailed me and another friend asking if we wanted to visit The Body Wrap Shop in Dallas with her to get a treatment called the body wrap (they have other services as well). Some friends of hers have been and were very impressed and satisfied with the results. They heard about it from a local radio station -- one of the D.J.'s had been and recommended it. The shop was also featured on one of our local television stations. We are all planning to go on the same day. This will be their second time going. I am so excited! The procedure involves being wrapped with bandages (entire body) and then you get on a treadmill or stair stepper. You are sprayed in intervals with mineral water. The result is a firmer body and tightened skin. This method helps to eliminate cellulite as well. It is for both women and men. It is recommended that you go 1 to 2 times a week initially. I will more than likely go once, continue to exercise and watch what I eat in order to maintain a more toned body. I am really anticipating losing inches in my stomach. I have already scheduled the entire day off from work.

Another Week Gone By

I can't believe the weekend is already here. I am more than ready for it, especially since the weather has been nice (80's). My daughter will be starting drill team practice again on Saturdays after a month long break. The will be getting ready for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Competition in October. I think I'm more excited than she is. School starts on Monday. I know have a 4th & 2nd grader. They are growing up too fast. They are past the age of needing to be walked to their class on the first day. I thought about it, but, they're familiar with the school so I'll just drop them off as I normally would. They're going to miss staying up late. That's right, time to get back to a structured routine. Start on homework as soon as we walk in the door. No going outside to play unless it's finished. Dinner by 6 p.m. (it could happen). Shower/bathe around 8:30 p.m. In bed by 9 p.m. Now if only things could flow as smoothly as it sounds :) . There has got to be other single parents out there whose daily routine goes as planned at least 3 out of 5 days of the week (Mon - Fri).

No news is good news -- yeah, right

I am back at work today. I called in yesterday because I was exhausted and didn't feel well. I am still waiting on the results from my ultrasound. It's hard to keep your mind from wandering, especially when you're in pain and don't know the cause of it. I'm not one to take medication unless I am unable to function. So, the prescription that my gynecologist gave me has not been filled. I was able to exercise yesterday. I ran a lap and a half and walked about 4 or 5 laps. This is a big difference from the mile and a half I would normally jog non-stop. But, it's better than lying around all day. I feel better than I did yesterday so that's a plus. Also, I'm still taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Hey, every little bit helps! My manager seemed very concerned about me. I am somewhat of a private person but after several attempts to find out what was wrong with me I finally let him know that I have been having stomach pains. He told me to take off whenever I need to. Hummmm, sounds tempting. Not really, I like my job and when I do miss work it is for a very good reason. A co-worker who I also consider a friend checked with me several times throughout the day to see if I had heard from my doctor's office. She sincerely seems concerned. Another co-worker stopped by my office to see how I was doing. She said she was shocked when she heard that it was me that was sick and not one of my children (I'm not sick often, thank God). Our Controller also stopped in my doorway and asked if I was feeling better. I lied and said yes (God forgive me). At that particular time I was feeling bad. I do lie about how I'm feeling the majority of the time. I don't want to depress people or bring them down by responding with "I'm feeling horrible, I don't feel like talking to anybody or doing anything and I wish I had stayed in bed". So instead, I smile and say that I'm doing fine. I'm not one to thrive for attention but, it's nice to be missed.

Trying Not to Worry

I've been having pains in my lower abdomen for about 2 weeks now. I seldom get sick so this is really concerning me. I had a Dr's. appointment last week with my gynecologist. She found nothing. So now, today, I have an appointment with the Women's Diagnostic Center for a pelvic ultrasound. Yes, I am worried. I am praying that it's nothing life threatening. I've been watching the clock because I have to drink (4) 8 oz. glasses of water one hour before my appointment. I'm trying to think strategically. My appointment is at 10:45. I need to be there by 10:30, so I'm thinking around 9:30 or 9:45 I should start chugging. I'm hoping my bladder won't explode before they examine me. On a lighter note, it's a nice sunny day and the high should be around 96 degrees.

100 Things About Me

1. I like to read
2. I find it hard to sleep late on the weekends
3. I'm originally from Oklahoma
4. I currently live in Dallas
5. I am 35 years old
6. My birthday is in October
7. My favorite foods are Mexican and Chinese
8. I am African American
9. I cannot cook soul food
10. I'd rather have chicken strips than chicken with the bone in
11. I have 2 children
12. I also have a 9 month old boxer
13. I love to sing
14. I recently joined the church choir
15. I have 3 sisters; 2 older, 1 younger
16. My favorite color is black (not because I'm black, I'm actually brown :)
17. My favorite car is the BMW X5 (SUV)
18. I don't like watching scary movies
19. I don't like bugs of ANY kind
20. My hair is dyed golden bronze
21. I really like my hair color
22. I am divorced
23. I have attended college but haven't finished yet
24. I've always wanted to volunteer at a women's shelter
25. I want to register for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K run/walk
26. I have never seen my father
27. I have no ill feelings toward him
28. It no longer matters if I meet him or not
29. I love vanilla ice cream
30. I just found out that Low Carb ice cream is actually pretty good
31. I really enjoy working out with weights
32. I like jogging
33. I can jog 2 miles non-stop
34. My favorite season is Fall
35. My favorite holiday is Christmas
36. I am a picky eater
37. I like walking
38. I enjoy swimming
39. I don't like how I look in a bathing suit
40. My daughter looks just like me
41. I've been at my current job for 4 years
42. I've never been on a 'real' vacation
43. I would like to go on a cruise
44. I would like to learn to speak Spanish
45. I do not consider myself Democrat or Republican
46. I plan on voting this election
47. I have not decided which Presidential candidate I'll vote for
48. I don't watch T.V. much
49. I like listening to music
50. I have a 46 mile commute to/from work each day
51. I like wearing jeans
52. I don't like shampooing my hair
53. I am usually running late for work
54. I'll never have enough shoes
55. I don't wear much makeup
56. I am easily embarrassed
57. I don't like liars
58. I don't like alot of attention
59. I don't go to clubs
60. I have a handful of female friends
61. I like having male friends
62. I am an internet surfer
63. I don't like gossip
64. I like to dance
65. I tend to ask a lot of questions
66. My favorite restaurants are P.F. Changs & Pappadeaux
67. I don't wear fake nails
68. I have worn them in the past
69. I wear contacts (clear)
70. My shoe size is 8 1/2
71. I weigh 135 lbs.
72. My favorite male entertainer is LL Cool J
73. I don't have a female favorite
74. I've been to several Dallas Cowboy games
75. I've been to 1 Texas Rangers game
76. I have never been to a Mavericks game
77. I like drinking water
78. I prefer ground turkey opposed to ground beef
79. I prefer turkey bacon
80. I have a radio at work
81. I listen to a Christian station
82. I don't have cable television
83. I don't like Texas heat
84. I broke my patela (knee) as a teenager
85. I have pins in my knee
86. My favorite chips are Frito Lay Honey Barbecue Twists
87. I have 2 friends that work at Frito Lay
88. I get hook-ups every now and then
89. I have 2 friends that are police officers
90. I have never been arrested
91. I never plan on being arrested
92. I am shy
93. I don't like dining out alone
94. I will seldom use a public restroom
95. I don't like long car trips
96. I'm not a gambler
97. I don't smoke
98. I wouldn't date someone who smokes
99. I've been told that I have a pug nose
100. I used to get offended, now I don't care! (Whew!! The end)

They're back . .

My kids are back home with 2 weeks of Summer vacation left before school starts. It is so good to see their smiling faces. They will be with their father for the remaining 2 weeks while I'm at work. Hopefully nothing will go wrong. They were excited to see him yesterday and said that they had a good time with him. It was so refreshing to hear this. I picked them up around 5:30 p.m. and my daughter was sick (stomach ache). She threw up several times that evening and didn't feel like eating, which is unlike her. She felt better this morning. Unfortunately, my son didn't. Now he's sick! My poor babies. I talked to a cousin last night and her son was sick with a stomach ache. Whatever it is -- I don't want it. Hopefully this is one of those 24 hour bugs and my son will be feeling better when I pick him up this evening. Sick or not, I'm happy that they're home.

Words of Encouragement

We all could use a little encouragement every now and then.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as Eagles they shall run and not be wear; and they shall walk and not faint".  Isaiah 40:31

I finally did it . . . .

I joined the choir!  It has taken me several months to get the nerve to just show up.  I was dreading it because I was told that you would be asked to stand up and sing a song (in front of the whole choir).  I don't mind an audition in front of the Director, but singing in front of the entire choir was not what I had in mind.  Well, it really wasn't that bad.  There were 2 other new members there besides me.  We were asked to sing one line of any song we wanted to (not the entire song) which made it even better.  I song a few words to 'By and By'.  It's a song that me and my youngest sister used to lead when we were in the youth choir.  I feel so much better now.  Everyone was very nice.  It lasted from 7 p.m. to about 9:45 p.m.  To be honest, I didn't realize it was that late until I was leaving.  I can't wait to attend another rehearsal.  There's nothing like singing praises to the Lord!!

Living Single

This weekend was 'alright'.  I managed to get out of the house on Saturday and do some window shopping.  It wasn't too bad.  I've never been the one to go to the mall if I couldn't buy anything.  Of course there were sales in every store we went in.  Why is it that when I do have money to spend, it's hard for me to find clothes or shoes that I like.  When I'm broke -- everything seems to appeal to me.  I spent the later part of the evening relaxing with my dog.  Dogs can be just like children, he requires (and demands) alot of attention.  I haven't really gotten attached to him.

I was awoken Sunday morning by the ringing of my telephone at 6:45 A.M.!  I was sleeping sooo good.  My first thought was 'this better be important'.  Ha! -- it wasn't.  It was a friend wanting to know if I wanted to go to church with her.  I thought she was calling to go jogging.  We talked for about 15 minutes and I tried to go back to sleep.  That didn't work so, what else could I do but wake up someone myself [misery loves company :) ].  I called a friend who I was previously dating but it didn't work out.   I asked him to go jogging with me -- I had to beg a little.  He gave in and agreed to meet me at a track that is close to both of us.  He wasn't there when I arrived so I killed time by stretching and eventually walking around the track.  I just knew he was not going to show up.  I was getting pretty pissed the more I walked.  After one lap I decided to go ahead and jog without him.  Half way around I see him pulling up.  We jog 2 miles and walk 1/2 a mile.  We did a few crunches and called it quits.  I rushed home to get ready for church.  While driving off I realized something, I still have feelings for him. 

Determined To Have A Better Day

This week has not been a very good one.  The weekend is now here and I things have got to get better.  My car is running fine, my kids are in good health (& still away for another week), I just got paid so what else could it be but -- a MAN.  I was doing fine for a while.  I thought, hey, I'll move on, we'll be friends - blah, blah, blah.  Who was I fooling?  This is not as easy as I thought.  I never imagined that after going through a 7 1/2 year turbulent marriage that ended in divorce - that I would allow myself to be emotionally drained by a man.  Maybe it wasn't his intention to put me in this position, but, he could have done alot better at showing me how much he cared.  One of the men I've dated used to say "I can show you better than I can tell you".  That is what I'm looking for.  Show me -- you can talk all day long about how much you care or what you need to do to make things better.  When it's all said and done, how much of those words did you put to action.

I avoided getting attached to any man for almost 3 years.  Why now?  I didn't seek him out or go out of my way to start communicating with him.  I wish we would have just stayed friends.  I would be feeling so much better.   After taking a good look at this relationship, it makes me feel less guilty or desperate by meeting men through online dating services.  My online experiences were not any worse than meeting him at church.  Not to say that church is not a good place to meet a potential mate.  I have discussed this with several friends and the overall concerns were:  don't you get scared, you don't really know the person, and so on.  Well, I met the last person I dated at church.  We just did not connect.  He can be fun to be with but we don't see eye-to-eye on critical issues.  Mostly dealing with moral values.  Our way of thinking was not on the same track.  It's o.k. to disagree on some things but when it comes down to our values, beliefs, and the lifestyle that we choose to live -- in my opinion, you need to be on the SAME page.

Back to the online dating issue, you have to use common sense.  I have met several men through this non-traditional method.  One, we did not click at all, but he was a very kind person.  He chose not to continue contact with me because I only wanted to be friends.  I respect that.  Another, was a very kind person as well.  We actually went out on several occasions but I did not desire anything more than a friendship.  He wanted to be more than friends so I stopped communicating with him.  The third person I never met in person but we have exchanged e-mails off and on for over a year.  My idea of dating and his were not on the same page.  He was honest enough to tell me up front what he expected from someone that he was attracted to.  We became e-mail buddies.  I have had no bad experiences.  So once again, I am back online.  I don't consider myself desperate.  I am extremely shy when it comes to the opposite sex, I don't go to clubs/bars, I have never approached a man that I think I may be attracted to (pretty sure that I never will).  Online dating seems so much easier for me.  I'm not just necessarily looking to date either.  I enjoy being in the company of a man and have found that some of my most memorable moments were spent with male friends.  I am happy being single and have no intention of trying to rush into anything.  But just like I enjoy hanging with my girlfriends, I enjoy the company of a man every now and then.  Looks like this weekend I'll be hanging with a girlfriend (oh well).  I'm looking forward to it.  I haven't seen her in quite a while.  She is also alot of fun and much more outgoing than me.  After next weekend, I won't have so much free time on my hands once my kids are back.  I'll be making the most of this last weekend kid free! 

When all you can do is sit back and . . . . think

This has been an interesting week so far.  Things took a different turn for me over the weekend and now I find myself minus a friend.  When I took time to think about it, the term 'friend' didn't really fit, 'acquaintance' is more fitting.  I have cut all contact except for a few exchanged text messages today (to get my key back).  I'll admit I'm not totally happy about my decision but I am certain it is for the best.  I am too old to play games or have my time wasted by another adult.  Hanging with my girlfriends is something I enjoy but on the other hand, I do enjoy hanging with a male friend as well.  In this particular case, I am not desperate to the point where I don't want to be alone (which is how I spent my weekend).  Actually, I wasn't alone, Diesel (my Boxer) was there :). 

Maybe I'm expecting to much from a man.  I was out of the dating scene for over 8 years and as of 3 years ago -- I am once again a single woman.  I guess I expect men that I meet to be like me; honest, upfront about what they're interested in, no ulterior motives, etc.  Is that asking too much?

I spent alot of time thinking and came to the conclusion that I need to re-focus my thoughts more on growing spiritually, taking care of my children, improving my finances, becoming more physically fit and furthering my education (this should keep me occupied for awhile).  I am now enrolled at not 1, but 2 community colleges.  I'll decide which one I'll attend once I get my degree plan (to see how many credits will transfer) from the 2nd college.  College #2 is closer but I only need 60 credit hours at Colleg #1.  College #2 requires 67 credit hours.  I'm not trying to attend college longer than is necessary.  I'm feeling better already!  To top it off, a major financing deal came through for my employer yesterday.  What does this mean for me -- job security (for awhile anyway) and hopefully a bonus or pay raise.  I'll take either one - or both.  I'm looking forward to heading to the track this evening.  I might even jog/walk further than my normal 2 miles.

Exercise - It Does A Body Good

I am back on track after my week long unintentional break from jogging.  I woke up Saturday morning and went to the track around 8:45 (it was very hot).  I jogged/walked 2 miles.  I could only manage to jog 3 laps without stopping.  The rest of the day I spent with Diesel (my pet Boxer).  We slept later that afternoon for about 2 hours.  I guess we were both tired.  I ran out later that evening and went to Dairy Queen to get a Oreo cookies blizzard.  It was soooo gooood!  It replaced the frustration with the Jr. Banana Split that I was so disappointed in the night before.
 
Sunday morning I called a friend and talked her into going to the track with me around 8:30.  It was hot again, but not as bad as the previous morning.  I jogged/walked another 2 miles.  I did reach my goal of running 1 mile nonstop.  I made it to church a little late (about 20 minutes).  The sermon was stirring and heart-touching as usual.  The pastor's sermon was 'The Flipside of God's Sovereignty'.  The bottom line was; you cannot stand in God's way.  Whatever his will is, he will get it done, whether you cooperate or not.  If you choose your will over God's - you have exalted yourself above the Father (and you know he's not having that).  References were made to Pharaoh and the number of chances God gave him to obey his command, 'Let my people go'.  He didn't do it and in the end, he felt the wrath of God.  I will focus more on doing what God wants, not what pleases me.  I feel like I am feeling his wrath now -- and I know it could be much worse.

I Feel Like Venting

At times, I feel like my tolerance level is a little too low.  Some things just really get under my skin.  For instance, I have told a particular friend more than once that it bothers me when he says that he will call me back and doesn't.  Why even say you're going to call later if there is the slightest chance that you won't.  Especially if someone tells you that it bothers them.  Just say 'goodbye' or 'I'll talk to you later'.  It bothers me to the point that sometimes I feel like I don't even want to talk to him anymore (like now).
 
Even more irritating is the Jr. Banana Split that Sonic has been advertising constantly on television.  I've been craving it for several days now.  Friday night around 10 p.m. I decide to go get one.  I get there, place my order and the carhop brings it out within 5 minutes.  To be honest, I couldn't even tell what was in her hand!  She gets to my window, hands it to me and takes my money - $1.07.  I'm like, is this it?!!  If it hadn't been so late and I didn't want it so bad, I would have told her to keep it and drove off.  This thing was sooooooo little.  It was almost funny.  It looked NOTHING like the banana split in the commercials (imagine that).  I have been tempted to send an e-mail to Sonic's corporate office or the parent company -- whoever is responsible for taking customer complaints (if you know me at all you know that I have no problem sending letters when I am dissatisfied).  The banana was less than half the size of a regular banana.  It was barely a scoop of soft serve ice cream.  I know what you're thinking, for a buck  o-seven, what do you expect.  I'm telling you - it was not worth it.  Talk about false advertisment.  And to top it off, it didn't satisfy my craving.  I'm STILL wanting something.  I guarantee you I won't be buying another Jr. Banana Split.  Maybe I'll spend $2 to $3 bucks on a Dairy Queen Blizzard (hmmm).  Well, I feel better now that I've gotten it out.  If you really want to feel my frustration, go buy one (Jr. Banana Split) -- tell me what you think.  :) 

Comments by Bill Cosby Has Stirred Up America

I read an article today written by Steve Blow, a Dallas Morning News columnist.  The title is 'We Must Answer Cosby Wake Up Call'. 
 
I couldn't help but respond with the following e-mail:

Kudos to you for another well written article. I am a 35 year old, African-American, divorced mother with 2 children. My mother died when I was about 12 years old, I've never seen my father and after my mothers death, I was raised by a grandmother who I believe didn't make it to high school let alone graduate. I said all of that to say this. I have not let my circumstances stop me from reaching my goals and trying to better myself. I am planning on re-enrolling in college this Fall to pursue a degree in Computer Science (I am about 15 hrs away from receiving an Assoc. of Science degree). It has taken me much longer than planned but I will not give up. My desire is to do whatever I can (legally) to see that my children have the best that life has to offer. That does not mean $100 - $200 tennis shoes. As of August of last year, my children have their own rooms and a backyard where they can play safely within the confinements of a 6 foot fence. I was determined to be a homeowner again, whether married or not. Even though things have not always been easy for me, God has still been good to me and I will continue to work hard to better myself and encourage & motivate my children. Bill Cosby is in no way out of line with the statements that he made. In my opinion, it couldn't do anything but help if more prominent, well-known African-Americans spoke out about the problems within our community. I have seen first hand the negative effects that welfare can have on black families. I have also seen the importance that some in the African-American race have placed on 'labels'. Clothing, shoes, purses, cars, car accessories, etc. It is saddening. I agree that the resolution to changing the  way of thinking of some African-Americans has to start within our communities. We cannot allow our circumstances to make us victims of laziness, poverty and self-destruction.

 

Falling Down

Life is full of disappointment and setbacks.  Attempting to live a Christian life is even more challenging (especially being single).  We know what God expects of us, but, it is not always easy to obey him.  I find comfort in the remorse that I feel when I know that I have done wrong.  It tells me that the Holy Spirit still dwells within me.  It lets me know that my heart is still in the right place.  It is inevitable that we will all, at some time or another, stumble.  Instead of being engulfed with self-pity, I choose to pick my self up, repent and pray for strength and continued spiritual growth.  It is also good to know that God is a FORGIVING God. 
  
 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Phillipians 4:13

Music - Therapy for Your Mind & Soul

I am a music lover. I like a variety; R&B, hip-hop, gospel/christian, some jazz. Music tends to brighten my mood when I'm not feeling as cheerful as I should be. It makes housecleaning alot more exciting. It frees your mind and allows you to escape whatever it is that has you confined at that particular time. I especially like listening to music while to/from work. There is nothing worse than rush hour traffic (in Dallas). On my way to work this morning I was listening to 970AM (Heaven 97). My eyes lit up when I heard the introduction of the song that was about to play; Speak to My Heart (performed by Donnie McClurkin). These lyrics are so appropriate for me at this point in my life. This is a rather lengthy song but here's a few lines that are more inspiring to me:

Speak to my heart Holy Spirit
Give me the words that will bring new life
Words with the wings of the morning
The dark night will fade, Speak to my heart now,
Speak to my heart Holy Spirit
Message of love to encourage me
Lifting my heart from despair
How you love me and care for me
Speak to my heart

Speak to my heart Lord
Give me your Holy Word
If I can hear from you
Then I'll know what to do
I won't go alone, I'll never go on my own
Just Let Your Spirit guide and let your word abide

While at work, I listen to 94.9 KLTY. The song that really captured my ear this morning was Every Move I Make, performed by Out of Eden. More lyrics that are in tune with how I am trying to live my life:

Every move I make I make in You
You make me move, Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Every step I take - I take in You
You are my way, Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Waves of mercy, Waves of grace
Everywhere I look I see Your face
Your love has captured me
Oh my God, this love how can it be

There's nothing like an inspiring song to brighten your day and remind us that it is not all about us, but all about HIM.

Single Without Children (For a little while)

It is now Tuesday and I have not talked to my kids since I left them in Oklahoma on Sunday. Am I a bad mother or what? Every other summer that they have gone, I've called at least once a day, sometimes twice a day. I know that they're having fun and are in good care. I will definitely call this evening.

I motivated myself enough to stop by the grocery story yesterday evening and picked up something to cook. I cooked smothered pork chops (something I hadn't done in over a year), cabbage and shells & cheese. It was quite tasty if I must say so myself. I enjoyed it alone. A friend stopped my later that evening and we went to the movies (2 days in a row)! I agreed to see Dodgeball with him. To be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to it. I thought it would be a bit stupid. It was actually very good. I laughed so hard I cried -- on more than one occasion. Two good movies in one week, as well as good company (I could easily get used to this). We made it back to my house around 11 p.m. He spent the night and I am honored to say that again, God is quite pleased with us. It isn't easy being single, finally meeting someone who you are very much attracted to and striving to live a Godly life (for those of you who can't read between the lines I'm referring to ABSTINENCE). I do believe that in the end, when you do meet that special someone who you are intended to spend the rest of your life with, it will be well worth it.

Home Alone

Well I made it home safely from my visit to OK. On Saturday we had a surprise (belated) birthday party for my son who turned 9. His birthday cake was too cute. It had a Hummer sitting on brown icing (dirt road) with mountains in the back ground, a few plastic trees on the cake and a Hummer license plate that said 'Hummer Tyme'. It felt good to see him so happy even though his gifts were not very expensive. It helps to have kids who are appreciate of 'small' things when you are a single parent who is shouldering the burden of seeing that they get the best out of life as possible. Sunday morning we loaded up for my oldest sister's company picnic at a nearby lake (man-made beach included). It was alot of fun. I had to leave after about an hour to go visit my grandmother before heading back to Big 'D'. My kids gave me a quick kiss and continued to play in the water. I spent 2 hours in my hometown and then headed for home, without my babies.

I got a call from a friend wanting to know what time I would make it home. Much to my surprise he had cooked dinner (which was quite good for someone who doesn't cook) and also wanted to go see a movie -- The Terminal, which started at 7:30 pm. I managed to make it home around 6:20 pm (I did have to disregard all speed limits to do so). I showered, changed clothes and headed to his house around 6:40pm. It only took me 10 minutes to get there. Dinner was ready and we finished eating in about 15 minutes. (I tried to be cute about woofing down my food. He didn't seem to mind.) Traffic was moving very smoothly until we reached downtown. As always on 35 North, there was a wreck (at least 5 cars). Traffic was backed up and my friend did not hide his frustration. He let a few (o.k. more than a few) curse words fly. I tried to help by suggesting that he get on the service road -- can you tell I've done this many times before. He followed my advice and we made much better time than if we would have stayed on the freeway. We finally make it to the theater and find out that the movie started 10 minutes later than what we thought (yippee). We didn't miss anything. It was a great movie that I highly recommend. The stars are Tom Hanks & Catherine Zeta-Jones. After the movie, we road around downtown for a little while & then went to Braums to get ice cream (for him). I ate so bad this weekend that I am certain I would have been in a state of depression if I had eaten even a half a scoop of ice cream at 11 o'clock p.m. We went back to his house, fell asleep on the sofa until 1 a.m. (God is so pleased with us). I awoke startled, realizing that my dog was at home (outside)!!! I rushed out of his house and raced home (with my gas light lit up). I made it safely and let my furbaby in. He was obviously happy to see me. It took about 20 minutes for him to call down and stop jumping all over me. The joys of owning a dog. :) I made it to bed about 1:45 a.m. I would have made it to work on time this morning but guess what, ANOTHER wreck on 35 North. This time about 3 cars, one was overturned. I was frustrated but did not respond the same way as my friend. I said a prayer and began to decide whether or not I would still stop and get breakfast, and arrive late to work, or not get breakfast and arrive on time. Uhmmm, decisions - decisions.

It's FRIDAY!!

Another week has past and I have not totally lost my mind over car trouble & financial issues. Things are definitely looking better. They could get even sweeter if a major financing deal closes next week for my employer. If things go as planned, I will be off to Oklahoma tomorrow to drop Pebbles & Bam Bam off. I think now would be a good time to find a dog sitter for my furbaby. I guess you could say I have 3 kids -- 2 humans and an 8 month old Boxer with LOTS of energy.

Talk about perfect timing. A friend just called and said he would check on my dog for me this weekend. This is actually someone that I've dated, we had a few conflicts, and are now working on our friendship and letting nature take its course.

I am looking forward to an eventful weekend.

Day 1 of Tam's World

I have successfully created my first blog! This is going to be fun. I can't wait to tell my friends and family that whenever they want to find out what's going on with me (to a certain extent), all they have to do is log onto my blog. Today has started out well. My car started without any problems (I will be getting it repaired this weekend). I had trouble starting it yesterday as I was attempting to leave work. After deciding on who to call I settled on my ex-husband. Believe it or not he came without hesitating. Even more startling, he called this morning to see if the car started without problems! (Imagine that.) It's time for me to get back to work and earn my pay. Until next time, peace.