Gotta get this off my chest ...

My son loves me so much he'll do anything for me . . . . except be good at school. I just don't understand it. He is very consistent with talking when he isn't supposed to and not completeing his assignments. He's doing better than when school started, but it is not his best. I could understand if he had a learning or attention problem but he doesn't. My heart is literally aching. Am I overly concerned? He's in the 4th grade, which I know has no bearing on future college scholarships but still -- I KNOW he can do better. He knows how to behave properly. I talk to him constantly about being obedient and respectful towards teachers as well as other students. I'm getting sooooo tired of this. I could see if I was one of those single parents who put themselves before their children. I'm not hanging out on the weekends while my kids are with anybody I can find to babysit. Any man that I meet knows upfront that I have not 1 but 2 children and they take up a great deal of my time. I spend quality time with them by taking them to parks, outdoor festivals, restaurants, etc. I show them as well as tell them how much I love them. As soon as my divorce was final (and after losing our home) I had my mind focused on buying a house for me and my children within 2 years -- and it happened. They have a fenced back yard where they can play (in a nice area with a good school district). They have neighborhood friends who stop by to see if they can play if they're not already outside. My son has lost his playing priviledges. You would think that would motivate him to do better but it hasn't. Sometimes I feel like maybe I need to let him live with his father. I know that is not the best solution. He is so sweet, caring and mannerable everywhere else but school. I've been praying, I encourage him to pray as well so that he'll make the right decisions. When he thinks about doing wrong, I tell him to ask God to help him do right. He has 2 F's on his 3-week progress report. He has 3 more weeks to bring those grades up before his final report card. I was about to sign him up for basketball but I'm not so sure now. It seems like I'm rewarding him by allowing him to do something fun even though he hasn't earned it. On the other hand, maybe participating in a sport that he likes will help him become better disciplined at school. I don't have much time to make up my mind (unless I pay an extra $15 for late registration). My situation makes me think of Teresa Heinz Kerry's response to a question asked of her about the similarities between her and Laura Bush. She responded that she didn't think Mrs. Bush had ever worked outside of the home. Well I'm here to tell her and everyone else, parenting is a FULL-time job and requires MUCH dedication, skill, patience and the ability to be multi-tasked -- oh, and I can't forget PRAYER. As a parent, there are times that you will need to put your emotions, frustrations and whatever else you're dealing with on the back burner and tend to your children. I've come close to tears today. Even though I feel as if I don't deserve this - I wouldn't trade my son for anything. Just needed to get this off my chest.

Church -- To Attend or Not To Attend

I received the following e-mail this morning that responds to the question that many people have either been asked or sometimes ask themselves:

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTENDING CHURCH
Have you ever heard someone say, “I don’t need to go to church to be a Christian.” Well, how do you respond to something like that? Do you really have to go to church to be a true believer? Walking into a church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than walking into a garage makes you a car. No matter how you slice it, going to church just isn’t going to save you — it’s only true faith in Christ alone that saves. If indeed you are a true believer you are not going to lose your salvation by not going tochurch. However, it’s pretty hard to believe that a genuine believer would fail to go to church. The Christian life is to be lived within the context of the family of God (Eph. 3:14-15; Acts 2), and not in isolation. The fact of the matter is Hebrews 10 clearly tells us “...not to neglect the gathering of ourselves together as is the custom of some” (Heb. 10:25). What we really ought to be discussing is the transcendent importance of being vitally connected to a healthy, well-balanced church. It’s through our attendance at church that we hear the preaching of the Word of God. Ephesians Chapter 4 clearly tells us that God has placed pastors and teachers in the church “to prepare His people of works of service, so that the body of Christ might be build up and strengthened.” You cannot avail yourself of this spiritual training if you are on the golf course on Sunday morning — trying to worship God in the Cathedral of the Pines...It’s also important to note that you can’t participate in sacraments like the Lord’s Supper without attending church (1 Cor. 11:23-26). Receiving communion with the family of God is not only an incredible privilege, it’s also the responsibility of every true believer. And corporate worship is not only what our gracious sovereign God deserves, but also what He demands. For these reasons and many other reasons, Christians should take church attendance seriously. The Christian life is to be lived within the context of the fellowship of the saints. The Bible knows nothing of a “lone ranger Christian.” Many logs burning together burn very brightly, but when a log falls off to the side, the embers quickly die out. When you face the difficulties of life as we all surely will, you’ll be thankful for the love, support, and prayers of your extended church family.

Easy enough to understand to me. I will continue to fellowship among Christian believers.

The Party's Over

My 4-day birthday celebration is over :( . Starting with a cake, good food and good company on Thursday, this birthday was definitely a pleasant occasion that didn't stop on Thursday. Friday night I went out with a friend and her cousin. What was supposed to be a night out to a Jazz club ended up being a night out at a Hip-Hop club where the majority of the women had on jeans and I spotted a few men with gold teeth! The jazz club had some type of special guests and the cover charge had doubled to $20 -- NOT. So we passed on that and drove around until they decided on another club not to far away. I quickly came to the conclusion that I did NOT miss the club scene. I had a good time due to the fact that I was with friends, even though I didn't dance (dancing in my chair doesn't count). I had one drink during the hour to an hour and a half that we were there. I had to endure about 20 to 30 minutes of cigarette smoke that travelled my way from a lady sitting at a table close to us (trying hard not to gag too much). After leaving the club we went to a Mexican fast-food restaurant. Me and my friend's cousin both ordered nachos. We made it to the table, sat down and started to feast. After 2 bites I'm thinking -- something is not right. I look closer (at the cheese sauce) and I'm missing the creamy yellowish orange color of nacho cheese sauce. This is some watered down mess. My friend's cousin stands up to take her food back for a refund & I think about it (for a second) and take mine back as well. We end up going to Whataburger (for me) and Taco Bell (for her). I make it home by 2 a.m. and finish eating then shutting down for a few hours.

My daughter's drill team competition was at 3 p.m. on Saturday. They looked so cute with their makeup on and their cute little outfits. Their performance was good. I didn't go back for the trophy presentations (at 7:30 p.m.) so I have no idea if they placed or not. Regardless, she had a good time. There were hundreds of other performers there in colorful outfits and various age groups. After the performance we headed home and I decided to stop by the grocery store (I was still craving nachos). I bought ingredients to make my own nachos. They were very good if I must say so myself. After 3 servings, my craving had been satisfied.

My birthday celebration ended Sunday at 5 p.m. Me, my kids and some friends went rollerskating after church. It was sooooo much fun! I was tired after about an hour. This was one fantastic weekend.

Happy Birthday To Me!

It's my 36th birthday and I feel truly blessed that God allowed me to wake up to a new day. My first well wish came at 6:07 a.m. this morning (via voice mail) from a long-time friend from Houston. My kids surprised me with some cute pajamas and they sang to me. I've had 3 more calls since 8 a.m. and a gift waiting on my desk when I arrived at work from a co-worker who I consider a very good friend. There's a white cake with white icing just waiting to be eaten. In addition to that, my employer is treating me to lunch today at The Cheesecake Factory. It feels wonderful to know that there are people in my life who care about me and are thinking of me on this special day.

Week 4 of DivorceCare Counseling

This session dealt with depression, which is inevitable when a marriage fails. At some point, whether it is during the course of your marriage (such as myself) or when you or your spouse decide to separate and/or file for a divorce, you will experience a multitude of emotions.

de·pres·sion : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies

I would say that at different times during my marriage I experienced all of the above except dejection and hopelessness. I am ashamed to admit it but at the time of our first separation (I was 2 months pregnant with our first child) I thought of committing suicide. I am so glad that God intervened. This was probably the WORST state of depression, due to marital problems, that I have experienced. When I decided to leave for good and file for a divorce there was no emotional turmoil. It was more like a burden had been removed from my shoulders. I know that God hates divorce but I honestly felt relieved. I am certain that God has a better plan for me, which is why I did not let my depression get the best of me. Things have really improved for the better, especially my relationship with Christ. I still go through trials and run into brick walls on occasion but it has not overwhelmed me. As Fred Hammond sings, "Hold on and wait just a little while, he'll bring of song of strength in the midnight. Touch our lives with your loving hands. Hold on, hold on!"

Everyone Can't Be In Your Front Row

I received the following e-mail this morning that I feel helps eliminate alot of the unnecessary conflict/controversy/drama/heartache, etc. that we go through in some of our relationships (this applies to ALL relationships, not just those dealing with the opposite sex). Post it somewhere at work, at home on the refrigerator, in your home office or any place where it will catch your eye, as a reminder to keep our relationships in order.

Everyone Can't Be in Your Front Row

Life is a theater - invite your audience carefully. Not everyone is holy enough and healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go, or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships/fellowships!

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention to: Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people, do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know and appreciate you and the gift that lies within you?

The more you seek God and the things of God -- the more you seek quality,
the more you seek not just the hand of God but the face of God-- the more you
seek things honorable -- the more you seek growth, peace of mind, love and truth
around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the FRONT ROW and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. You cannot change the people around you...but you can change the people you are around! Ask God for wisdom and discernment and choose wisely the people who sit in the front row of your life.

A True Soldier

I read a heart-breaking story on Power Line about a soldier who was injured when the truck that she was riding in ran over a roadside bomb (A Purple Heart for Jessica). The story of her will-power and determination brought tears to my eyes. We (civilians) are quick to comment about the war that the U.S. is engaged in and whether or not our soldiers should be there. After her experience, this young lady could have easily condemned the war and bashed our President for making the decision to send our troops to Iraq -- but she does not. What a true soldier.

Week 3 of DivorceCare Counseling

Missed it :(. It was raining too hard for me to leave my dog outside (he's still healing from his surgery on Saturday and cannot get his incision wet). He had already been in his crate all day while I was at work and putting him back in there for an additional 2 hours or more would not have been good. I really wanted to go. I did some work in my workbook in the 'On Your Own' section for the session I missed. I still felt guilty about missing.

14 Days Until . . .

my 36th birthday! I'm excited for some reason. Not so sure why. It's really just another day. Getting older has never bothered me. I feel blessed to be as old as I am and not look it :). I've always wondered why some women don't like telling their true age. It doesn't or shouldn't change a person's perception of you nor does it stretch your life expectancy.

I have no big celebration planned although my daughter suggested that we go roller skating. I think we might just do that. It's been a long time since I've gone roller skating. Not to mention that they have free passes from school.

Plans are made to be changed

I have learned to roll with the tide. Nothing went as smoothly as planned this weekend but it was still enjoyable for the most part. I arrived as planned at the Humane Society Saturday morning at 7:15 a.m. Much to my surprise so did about 7 to 10 other people. Diesel was feeling a bit energetic that morning so I had to wait outside with him (he would be even worse inside around the other dogs). I did try to go inside with him after about 15 minutes. Didn't work - so back outside we went. I had to leave him in the car while I filled out the necessary paperwork. I didn't leave there until 8:15 a.m. We were supposed to have met my daughter's drill team at 7:15 a.m. to join the caravan that was driving downtown for the American Heartwalk. I called the coach to see if we would still be able to make it and she told me that the Opening Ceremony started at 8:30. I had 15 minutes to FIND them! I looked back at my daughter and saw the tears in her eyes -- my heart was melting. Well guess what -- I found them! We made it downtown to the West End, found a parking lot that charged $5 and walked about 2 blocks before we saw a group of little girls dressed in red & blue outfits with silver sequins. She was soooo happy! I felt good that I followed my first instinct and decided to take a chance. The walk hadn't started yet. They cheered for the walkers at the start and end of the 3K run/walk. We managed to get a few goodie backs that had Reebok socks in them :) -- I just love freebies.

We made it home around 11:15 a.m. I started cleaning house getting ready for the dinner I was having the following day. We picked Diesel up around 4 p.m. and he looked so sad -- and had a very runny nose! They had to give him some antibiotics to take home as well as pain medicine. The first day was horrible. He was so sick :( . I was up all night long going outside with him when he would get sick -- sometimes he didn't make it outside so I was scrubbing carpet most of the evening (my son helped me -- what a good boy). I had to cancel the dinner I had planned to have on Sunday.

Monday it was raining hard so the State Fair was out. I needed to have taken a vacation day anyway to take care of my dog -- who is doing much better. I promised the kids that we would try to go on Sunday of this week. It was still a good day. I managed to work out Monday evening while a girlfriend stayed at home with my kids (she brought her kids over so there was much noise).

Trying to let it go

It's been a week now since I received a text message from a male friend that really ticked me off! I have a male friend who I have known for over 10 years now. We have NEVER been anything more than friends. Well, on Saturday of last week I was asleep on the sofa until I heard my cell phone buzzing. I get up to look at it (it's 1 o'clock in the morning) and see that I have a new text message. I look at the message which says, "Thinking about you you're the greatest I just can't help it". There is only ONE person that could possibly be sending me a message like this, however, we are no longer dating (he's mentioned in a previous posts). As a matter of fact, I told him that I did not want to talk to or see him anymore. It's not that I am angry with him. It's because I am trying to keep my focus on living a life that is pleasing to God (and he knows this) and I feel that he is not. Being with him causes me to become distracted/lose my focus (even when we say we'll be 'friends' -- yeah right). I have shared this with him as well. Anway, I decided to reply (I didn't want to be rude -- being that he's still on my mind). I send him a text message saying that I am thinking about him too. Later that morning I get a text message from him. It says, 'Thx, thinking about u 2". Okay, now I'm really confused. I'm thinking - why is he saying "thinking about you too" (as if he's responding to me)? My question is answered later that day. My male friend left me a voice message that afternoon and I returned the call that evening. He made a comment saying that it took me 8 hours to call him back. I was puzzled since the voice message he left was at noon. He asked if I had gotten his other message. What other message?!! I was so mad when he told me that it was him that sent the text message at 1 A.M.! I'm thinking -- have you lost your mind!! You had no reason to send me a message like that (and didn't leave your name -- like I'm supposed to assume it was you)!!! I was so mad. I told him that yes, I did respond to the message -- TO SOMEONE ELSE! He had the nerve to laugh! I had to check him and let him know that I did not see any humor in this. He went on to say that I should have is phone number programmed in my cell phone (which I do). I had to school him and let him know that just because his name & number is programmed in my phone, does not mean that his info will automatically pop up when he sends a message. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since. He called last night and left a voice message on my home number. I haven't called him back. He knew that I had been seeing someone and he also knew that I was trying not to get involved with this person again. I feel that he was so out of line for sending me a message like that. What really makes me feel bad is that the person I was dating probably thinks that I am playing games with him. I didn't bother calling him to explain. I just let it go. Oh well, just needed to vent a little. Am I wrong for being upset about this?