Words of Encouragement

We all could use a little encouragement every now and then.

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings as Eagles they shall run and not be wear; and they shall walk and not faint".  Isaiah 40:31

I finally did it . . . .

I joined the choir!  It has taken me several months to get the nerve to just show up.  I was dreading it because I was told that you would be asked to stand up and sing a song (in front of the whole choir).  I don't mind an audition in front of the Director, but singing in front of the entire choir was not what I had in mind.  Well, it really wasn't that bad.  There were 2 other new members there besides me.  We were asked to sing one line of any song we wanted to (not the entire song) which made it even better.  I song a few words to 'By and By'.  It's a song that me and my youngest sister used to lead when we were in the youth choir.  I feel so much better now.  Everyone was very nice.  It lasted from 7 p.m. to about 9:45 p.m.  To be honest, I didn't realize it was that late until I was leaving.  I can't wait to attend another rehearsal.  There's nothing like singing praises to the Lord!!

Living Single

This weekend was 'alright'.  I managed to get out of the house on Saturday and do some window shopping.  It wasn't too bad.  I've never been the one to go to the mall if I couldn't buy anything.  Of course there were sales in every store we went in.  Why is it that when I do have money to spend, it's hard for me to find clothes or shoes that I like.  When I'm broke -- everything seems to appeal to me.  I spent the later part of the evening relaxing with my dog.  Dogs can be just like children, he requires (and demands) alot of attention.  I haven't really gotten attached to him.

I was awoken Sunday morning by the ringing of my telephone at 6:45 A.M.!  I was sleeping sooo good.  My first thought was 'this better be important'.  Ha! -- it wasn't.  It was a friend wanting to know if I wanted to go to church with her.  I thought she was calling to go jogging.  We talked for about 15 minutes and I tried to go back to sleep.  That didn't work so, what else could I do but wake up someone myself [misery loves company :) ].  I called a friend who I was previously dating but it didn't work out.   I asked him to go jogging with me -- I had to beg a little.  He gave in and agreed to meet me at a track that is close to both of us.  He wasn't there when I arrived so I killed time by stretching and eventually walking around the track.  I just knew he was not going to show up.  I was getting pretty pissed the more I walked.  After one lap I decided to go ahead and jog without him.  Half way around I see him pulling up.  We jog 2 miles and walk 1/2 a mile.  We did a few crunches and called it quits.  I rushed home to get ready for church.  While driving off I realized something, I still have feelings for him. 

Determined To Have A Better Day

This week has not been a very good one.  The weekend is now here and I things have got to get better.  My car is running fine, my kids are in good health (& still away for another week), I just got paid so what else could it be but -- a MAN.  I was doing fine for a while.  I thought, hey, I'll move on, we'll be friends - blah, blah, blah.  Who was I fooling?  This is not as easy as I thought.  I never imagined that after going through a 7 1/2 year turbulent marriage that ended in divorce - that I would allow myself to be emotionally drained by a man.  Maybe it wasn't his intention to put me in this position, but, he could have done alot better at showing me how much he cared.  One of the men I've dated used to say "I can show you better than I can tell you".  That is what I'm looking for.  Show me -- you can talk all day long about how much you care or what you need to do to make things better.  When it's all said and done, how much of those words did you put to action.

I avoided getting attached to any man for almost 3 years.  Why now?  I didn't seek him out or go out of my way to start communicating with him.  I wish we would have just stayed friends.  I would be feeling so much better.   After taking a good look at this relationship, it makes me feel less guilty or desperate by meeting men through online dating services.  My online experiences were not any worse than meeting him at church.  Not to say that church is not a good place to meet a potential mate.  I have discussed this with several friends and the overall concerns were:  don't you get scared, you don't really know the person, and so on.  Well, I met the last person I dated at church.  We just did not connect.  He can be fun to be with but we don't see eye-to-eye on critical issues.  Mostly dealing with moral values.  Our way of thinking was not on the same track.  It's o.k. to disagree on some things but when it comes down to our values, beliefs, and the lifestyle that we choose to live -- in my opinion, you need to be on the SAME page.

Back to the online dating issue, you have to use common sense.  I have met several men through this non-traditional method.  One, we did not click at all, but he was a very kind person.  He chose not to continue contact with me because I only wanted to be friends.  I respect that.  Another, was a very kind person as well.  We actually went out on several occasions but I did not desire anything more than a friendship.  He wanted to be more than friends so I stopped communicating with him.  The third person I never met in person but we have exchanged e-mails off and on for over a year.  My idea of dating and his were not on the same page.  He was honest enough to tell me up front what he expected from someone that he was attracted to.  We became e-mail buddies.  I have had no bad experiences.  So once again, I am back online.  I don't consider myself desperate.  I am extremely shy when it comes to the opposite sex, I don't go to clubs/bars, I have never approached a man that I think I may be attracted to (pretty sure that I never will).  Online dating seems so much easier for me.  I'm not just necessarily looking to date either.  I enjoy being in the company of a man and have found that some of my most memorable moments were spent with male friends.  I am happy being single and have no intention of trying to rush into anything.  But just like I enjoy hanging with my girlfriends, I enjoy the company of a man every now and then.  Looks like this weekend I'll be hanging with a girlfriend (oh well).  I'm looking forward to it.  I haven't seen her in quite a while.  She is also alot of fun and much more outgoing than me.  After next weekend, I won't have so much free time on my hands once my kids are back.  I'll be making the most of this last weekend kid free! 

When all you can do is sit back and . . . . think

This has been an interesting week so far.  Things took a different turn for me over the weekend and now I find myself minus a friend.  When I took time to think about it, the term 'friend' didn't really fit, 'acquaintance' is more fitting.  I have cut all contact except for a few exchanged text messages today (to get my key back).  I'll admit I'm not totally happy about my decision but I am certain it is for the best.  I am too old to play games or have my time wasted by another adult.  Hanging with my girlfriends is something I enjoy but on the other hand, I do enjoy hanging with a male friend as well.  In this particular case, I am not desperate to the point where I don't want to be alone (which is how I spent my weekend).  Actually, I wasn't alone, Diesel (my Boxer) was there :). 

Maybe I'm expecting to much from a man.  I was out of the dating scene for over 8 years and as of 3 years ago -- I am once again a single woman.  I guess I expect men that I meet to be like me; honest, upfront about what they're interested in, no ulterior motives, etc.  Is that asking too much?

I spent alot of time thinking and came to the conclusion that I need to re-focus my thoughts more on growing spiritually, taking care of my children, improving my finances, becoming more physically fit and furthering my education (this should keep me occupied for awhile).  I am now enrolled at not 1, but 2 community colleges.  I'll decide which one I'll attend once I get my degree plan (to see how many credits will transfer) from the 2nd college.  College #2 is closer but I only need 60 credit hours at Colleg #1.  College #2 requires 67 credit hours.  I'm not trying to attend college longer than is necessary.  I'm feeling better already!  To top it off, a major financing deal came through for my employer yesterday.  What does this mean for me -- job security (for awhile anyway) and hopefully a bonus or pay raise.  I'll take either one - or both.  I'm looking forward to heading to the track this evening.  I might even jog/walk further than my normal 2 miles.

Exercise - It Does A Body Good

I am back on track after my week long unintentional break from jogging.  I woke up Saturday morning and went to the track around 8:45 (it was very hot).  I jogged/walked 2 miles.  I could only manage to jog 3 laps without stopping.  The rest of the day I spent with Diesel (my pet Boxer).  We slept later that afternoon for about 2 hours.  I guess we were both tired.  I ran out later that evening and went to Dairy Queen to get a Oreo cookies blizzard.  It was soooo gooood!  It replaced the frustration with the Jr. Banana Split that I was so disappointed in the night before.
 
Sunday morning I called a friend and talked her into going to the track with me around 8:30.  It was hot again, but not as bad as the previous morning.  I jogged/walked another 2 miles.  I did reach my goal of running 1 mile nonstop.  I made it to church a little late (about 20 minutes).  The sermon was stirring and heart-touching as usual.  The pastor's sermon was 'The Flipside of God's Sovereignty'.  The bottom line was; you cannot stand in God's way.  Whatever his will is, he will get it done, whether you cooperate or not.  If you choose your will over God's - you have exalted yourself above the Father (and you know he's not having that).  References were made to Pharaoh and the number of chances God gave him to obey his command, 'Let my people go'.  He didn't do it and in the end, he felt the wrath of God.  I will focus more on doing what God wants, not what pleases me.  I feel like I am feeling his wrath now -- and I know it could be much worse.

I Feel Like Venting

At times, I feel like my tolerance level is a little too low.  Some things just really get under my skin.  For instance, I have told a particular friend more than once that it bothers me when he says that he will call me back and doesn't.  Why even say you're going to call later if there is the slightest chance that you won't.  Especially if someone tells you that it bothers them.  Just say 'goodbye' or 'I'll talk to you later'.  It bothers me to the point that sometimes I feel like I don't even want to talk to him anymore (like now).
 
Even more irritating is the Jr. Banana Split that Sonic has been advertising constantly on television.  I've been craving it for several days now.  Friday night around 10 p.m. I decide to go get one.  I get there, place my order and the carhop brings it out within 5 minutes.  To be honest, I couldn't even tell what was in her hand!  She gets to my window, hands it to me and takes my money - $1.07.  I'm like, is this it?!!  If it hadn't been so late and I didn't want it so bad, I would have told her to keep it and drove off.  This thing was sooooooo little.  It was almost funny.  It looked NOTHING like the banana split in the commercials (imagine that).  I have been tempted to send an e-mail to Sonic's corporate office or the parent company -- whoever is responsible for taking customer complaints (if you know me at all you know that I have no problem sending letters when I am dissatisfied).  The banana was less than half the size of a regular banana.  It was barely a scoop of soft serve ice cream.  I know what you're thinking, for a buck  o-seven, what do you expect.  I'm telling you - it was not worth it.  Talk about false advertisment.  And to top it off, it didn't satisfy my craving.  I'm STILL wanting something.  I guarantee you I won't be buying another Jr. Banana Split.  Maybe I'll spend $2 to $3 bucks on a Dairy Queen Blizzard (hmmm).  Well, I feel better now that I've gotten it out.  If you really want to feel my frustration, go buy one (Jr. Banana Split) -- tell me what you think.  :) 

Comments by Bill Cosby Has Stirred Up America

I read an article today written by Steve Blow, a Dallas Morning News columnist.  The title is 'We Must Answer Cosby Wake Up Call'. 
 
I couldn't help but respond with the following e-mail:

Kudos to you for another well written article. I am a 35 year old, African-American, divorced mother with 2 children. My mother died when I was about 12 years old, I've never seen my father and after my mothers death, I was raised by a grandmother who I believe didn't make it to high school let alone graduate. I said all of that to say this. I have not let my circumstances stop me from reaching my goals and trying to better myself. I am planning on re-enrolling in college this Fall to pursue a degree in Computer Science (I am about 15 hrs away from receiving an Assoc. of Science degree). It has taken me much longer than planned but I will not give up. My desire is to do whatever I can (legally) to see that my children have the best that life has to offer. That does not mean $100 - $200 tennis shoes. As of August of last year, my children have their own rooms and a backyard where they can play safely within the confinements of a 6 foot fence. I was determined to be a homeowner again, whether married or not. Even though things have not always been easy for me, God has still been good to me and I will continue to work hard to better myself and encourage & motivate my children. Bill Cosby is in no way out of line with the statements that he made. In my opinion, it couldn't do anything but help if more prominent, well-known African-Americans spoke out about the problems within our community. I have seen first hand the negative effects that welfare can have on black families. I have also seen the importance that some in the African-American race have placed on 'labels'. Clothing, shoes, purses, cars, car accessories, etc. It is saddening. I agree that the resolution to changing the  way of thinking of some African-Americans has to start within our communities. We cannot allow our circumstances to make us victims of laziness, poverty and self-destruction.

 

Falling Down

Life is full of disappointment and setbacks.  Attempting to live a Christian life is even more challenging (especially being single).  We know what God expects of us, but, it is not always easy to obey him.  I find comfort in the remorse that I feel when I know that I have done wrong.  It tells me that the Holy Spirit still dwells within me.  It lets me know that my heart is still in the right place.  It is inevitable that we will all, at some time or another, stumble.  Instead of being engulfed with self-pity, I choose to pick my self up, repent and pray for strength and continued spiritual growth.  It is also good to know that God is a FORGIVING God. 
  
 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Phillipians 4:13

Music - Therapy for Your Mind & Soul

I am a music lover. I like a variety; R&B, hip-hop, gospel/christian, some jazz. Music tends to brighten my mood when I'm not feeling as cheerful as I should be. It makes housecleaning alot more exciting. It frees your mind and allows you to escape whatever it is that has you confined at that particular time. I especially like listening to music while to/from work. There is nothing worse than rush hour traffic (in Dallas). On my way to work this morning I was listening to 970AM (Heaven 97). My eyes lit up when I heard the introduction of the song that was about to play; Speak to My Heart (performed by Donnie McClurkin). These lyrics are so appropriate for me at this point in my life. This is a rather lengthy song but here's a few lines that are more inspiring to me:

Speak to my heart Holy Spirit
Give me the words that will bring new life
Words with the wings of the morning
The dark night will fade, Speak to my heart now,
Speak to my heart Holy Spirit
Message of love to encourage me
Lifting my heart from despair
How you love me and care for me
Speak to my heart

Speak to my heart Lord
Give me your Holy Word
If I can hear from you
Then I'll know what to do
I won't go alone, I'll never go on my own
Just Let Your Spirit guide and let your word abide

While at work, I listen to 94.9 KLTY. The song that really captured my ear this morning was Every Move I Make, performed by Out of Eden. More lyrics that are in tune with how I am trying to live my life:

Every move I make I make in You
You make me move, Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Every step I take - I take in You
You are my way, Jesus
Every breath I take I breathe in You

Waves of mercy, Waves of grace
Everywhere I look I see Your face
Your love has captured me
Oh my God, this love how can it be

There's nothing like an inspiring song to brighten your day and remind us that it is not all about us, but all about HIM.

Single Without Children (For a little while)

It is now Tuesday and I have not talked to my kids since I left them in Oklahoma on Sunday. Am I a bad mother or what? Every other summer that they have gone, I've called at least once a day, sometimes twice a day. I know that they're having fun and are in good care. I will definitely call this evening.

I motivated myself enough to stop by the grocery story yesterday evening and picked up something to cook. I cooked smothered pork chops (something I hadn't done in over a year), cabbage and shells & cheese. It was quite tasty if I must say so myself. I enjoyed it alone. A friend stopped my later that evening and we went to the movies (2 days in a row)! I agreed to see Dodgeball with him. To be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to it. I thought it would be a bit stupid. It was actually very good. I laughed so hard I cried -- on more than one occasion. Two good movies in one week, as well as good company (I could easily get used to this). We made it back to my house around 11 p.m. He spent the night and I am honored to say that again, God is quite pleased with us. It isn't easy being single, finally meeting someone who you are very much attracted to and striving to live a Godly life (for those of you who can't read between the lines I'm referring to ABSTINENCE). I do believe that in the end, when you do meet that special someone who you are intended to spend the rest of your life with, it will be well worth it.

Home Alone

Well I made it home safely from my visit to OK. On Saturday we had a surprise (belated) birthday party for my son who turned 9. His birthday cake was too cute. It had a Hummer sitting on brown icing (dirt road) with mountains in the back ground, a few plastic trees on the cake and a Hummer license plate that said 'Hummer Tyme'. It felt good to see him so happy even though his gifts were not very expensive. It helps to have kids who are appreciate of 'small' things when you are a single parent who is shouldering the burden of seeing that they get the best out of life as possible. Sunday morning we loaded up for my oldest sister's company picnic at a nearby lake (man-made beach included). It was alot of fun. I had to leave after about an hour to go visit my grandmother before heading back to Big 'D'. My kids gave me a quick kiss and continued to play in the water. I spent 2 hours in my hometown and then headed for home, without my babies.

I got a call from a friend wanting to know what time I would make it home. Much to my surprise he had cooked dinner (which was quite good for someone who doesn't cook) and also wanted to go see a movie -- The Terminal, which started at 7:30 pm. I managed to make it home around 6:20 pm (I did have to disregard all speed limits to do so). I showered, changed clothes and headed to his house around 6:40pm. It only took me 10 minutes to get there. Dinner was ready and we finished eating in about 15 minutes. (I tried to be cute about woofing down my food. He didn't seem to mind.) Traffic was moving very smoothly until we reached downtown. As always on 35 North, there was a wreck (at least 5 cars). Traffic was backed up and my friend did not hide his frustration. He let a few (o.k. more than a few) curse words fly. I tried to help by suggesting that he get on the service road -- can you tell I've done this many times before. He followed my advice and we made much better time than if we would have stayed on the freeway. We finally make it to the theater and find out that the movie started 10 minutes later than what we thought (yippee). We didn't miss anything. It was a great movie that I highly recommend. The stars are Tom Hanks & Catherine Zeta-Jones. After the movie, we road around downtown for a little while & then went to Braums to get ice cream (for him). I ate so bad this weekend that I am certain I would have been in a state of depression if I had eaten even a half a scoop of ice cream at 11 o'clock p.m. We went back to his house, fell asleep on the sofa until 1 a.m. (God is so pleased with us). I awoke startled, realizing that my dog was at home (outside)!!! I rushed out of his house and raced home (with my gas light lit up). I made it safely and let my furbaby in. He was obviously happy to see me. It took about 20 minutes for him to call down and stop jumping all over me. The joys of owning a dog. :) I made it to bed about 1:45 a.m. I would have made it to work on time this morning but guess what, ANOTHER wreck on 35 North. This time about 3 cars, one was overturned. I was frustrated but did not respond the same way as my friend. I said a prayer and began to decide whether or not I would still stop and get breakfast, and arrive late to work, or not get breakfast and arrive on time. Uhmmm, decisions - decisions.

It's FRIDAY!!

Another week has past and I have not totally lost my mind over car trouble & financial issues. Things are definitely looking better. They could get even sweeter if a major financing deal closes next week for my employer. If things go as planned, I will be off to Oklahoma tomorrow to drop Pebbles & Bam Bam off. I think now would be a good time to find a dog sitter for my furbaby. I guess you could say I have 3 kids -- 2 humans and an 8 month old Boxer with LOTS of energy.

Talk about perfect timing. A friend just called and said he would check on my dog for me this weekend. This is actually someone that I've dated, we had a few conflicts, and are now working on our friendship and letting nature take its course.

I am looking forward to an eventful weekend.

Day 1 of Tam's World

I have successfully created my first blog! This is going to be fun. I can't wait to tell my friends and family that whenever they want to find out what's going on with me (to a certain extent), all they have to do is log onto my blog. Today has started out well. My car started without any problems (I will be getting it repaired this weekend). I had trouble starting it yesterday as I was attempting to leave work. After deciding on who to call I settled on my ex-husband. Believe it or not he came without hesitating. Even more startling, he called this morning to see if the car started without problems! (Imagine that.) It's time for me to get back to work and earn my pay. Until next time, peace.