Determined To Have A Better Day

This week has not been a very good one.  The weekend is now here and I things have got to get better.  My car is running fine, my kids are in good health (& still away for another week), I just got paid so what else could it be but -- a MAN.  I was doing fine for a while.  I thought, hey, I'll move on, we'll be friends - blah, blah, blah.  Who was I fooling?  This is not as easy as I thought.  I never imagined that after going through a 7 1/2 year turbulent marriage that ended in divorce - that I would allow myself to be emotionally drained by a man.  Maybe it wasn't his intention to put me in this position, but, he could have done alot better at showing me how much he cared.  One of the men I've dated used to say "I can show you better than I can tell you".  That is what I'm looking for.  Show me -- you can talk all day long about how much you care or what you need to do to make things better.  When it's all said and done, how much of those words did you put to action.

I avoided getting attached to any man for almost 3 years.  Why now?  I didn't seek him out or go out of my way to start communicating with him.  I wish we would have just stayed friends.  I would be feeling so much better.   After taking a good look at this relationship, it makes me feel less guilty or desperate by meeting men through online dating services.  My online experiences were not any worse than meeting him at church.  Not to say that church is not a good place to meet a potential mate.  I have discussed this with several friends and the overall concerns were:  don't you get scared, you don't really know the person, and so on.  Well, I met the last person I dated at church.  We just did not connect.  He can be fun to be with but we don't see eye-to-eye on critical issues.  Mostly dealing with moral values.  Our way of thinking was not on the same track.  It's o.k. to disagree on some things but when it comes down to our values, beliefs, and the lifestyle that we choose to live -- in my opinion, you need to be on the SAME page.

Back to the online dating issue, you have to use common sense.  I have met several men through this non-traditional method.  One, we did not click at all, but he was a very kind person.  He chose not to continue contact with me because I only wanted to be friends.  I respect that.  Another, was a very kind person as well.  We actually went out on several occasions but I did not desire anything more than a friendship.  He wanted to be more than friends so I stopped communicating with him.  The third person I never met in person but we have exchanged e-mails off and on for over a year.  My idea of dating and his were not on the same page.  He was honest enough to tell me up front what he expected from someone that he was attracted to.  We became e-mail buddies.  I have had no bad experiences.  So once again, I am back online.  I don't consider myself desperate.  I am extremely shy when it comes to the opposite sex, I don't go to clubs/bars, I have never approached a man that I think I may be attracted to (pretty sure that I never will).  Online dating seems so much easier for me.  I'm not just necessarily looking to date either.  I enjoy being in the company of a man and have found that some of my most memorable moments were spent with male friends.  I am happy being single and have no intention of trying to rush into anything.  But just like I enjoy hanging with my girlfriends, I enjoy the company of a man every now and then.  Looks like this weekend I'll be hanging with a girlfriend (oh well).  I'm looking forward to it.  I haven't seen her in quite a while.  She is also alot of fun and much more outgoing than me.  After next weekend, I won't have so much free time on my hands once my kids are back.  I'll be making the most of this last weekend kid free!